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Correspondence from Moina Mathers to Annie Horniman
87 Rue Mozart, Paris.
December 31st, 1895
My dear Fortiter,
Your letter has made me most unhappy. I promised once to tell you if I thought you were getting exaggerated or in any way tending to what you call a tendency to mania. Probably my advice and opinions are now worthless to you, as I thoroughly reverence all the teaching of the R[osi]C[rucian] Order. But I will anyhow write to you what I think of your conduct in this matter and also about the Elemental Theory which has been the principal subject of the letters.
You say, or something to that effect, that you are asked to give up your self-respect. You know that you are not asked to change your mode of life in any way, or to teach another to do so. Knowing as yet only something of the composition of the human being (as a Theor[icus] Adept), you are really not in a position to give an opinion on these subjects; so that if one of these uncomfortable cases that have been discussed as to elemental or human sexual connection (which I think with all other sexual connections are beastly) came up you would have to refer the question to a member of a much higher Grade than Theor[icus] Adept.
Any much higher Grade (one who understands the subject a little better) would be willing to take the responsibility. In your illogical letter you say that Elementals forming part of your composition has not a bearing on the subject—if Elementals form a considerable part of you, they are not so incongruous to the human as you imply, and this theory bears strongly on the subject for their connection between a human and elemental is not so far removed from the usual one.
When I first heard of this theory it gave me a shock, but not such a horrible one as that which I had when I was young, about the human connection. Child or no, a natural thing should not upset one so. I remember that my horror of human beings for a while was so great that I could not look at my own mother without violent dislike-and loathing.
I have always chosen as well as "S.R.M.D." [MacGregor Mathers] to have nothing whatever to do with any sexual connection-we have both kept perfectly clean I know, as regards the human, the elemental, and any other thing whatever.
I have tried, and I think succeeded, never to allow myself to think of any subject in that direction, and I think having been pretty well tested, personally as well as from one's own position in G.D.[Golden Dawn], we are competent to give an opinion. To return to the Elementals, the story of Melusina, Undine, and others you will know of all refer to marriages between human and elemental and you think them probably very charming stories, because they have a halo of poetry round them. As to exaggeration in you, you distinctly have a fad as regards sexual subjects, and you know it is a dangerous one to have.
I doubt if you have thought over all these things with an unbiased mind. If you do divination, when nervous or excitable you are apt (but that you know) to obtain false results. If you divine about this, you should be careful to equilibrate yourself absolutely before commencing.
I cannot feel that those two last letters of yours are written with a sane cool mind. You will certainly be furious with me but this must be said. Your last letter to "S.R.M.D." distinctly implies insult to him, for it attacks his teaching as impure-considering the great knowledge you have received through him, you might have at least waited until you had received more knowledge on the subject before you became so violent.
Personally, there is no one in or out of the G.D. in whose presence I would less allow myself an impure thought or action-next to the Higher Chiefs I respect him more than any other being in the world-and it has hurt me so much that you should write as you have done.
Before I finish this I must tell you that while we thank you intensely for your great generosity and kind thoughtfulness in the past, we cannot of course accept anything more from you considering that you have charged us with immoral teachings. I think you know we only accepted your generous help because by so doing we could have the leisure to obtain for the Order some of the knowledge, which most admit is great knowledge-and both "S.R.M.D.", myself and you, have respected this more than money.
Of course we are saddled with this house until April-we have just given notice this moment when we received your letter and can leave soon. I might have to ask you for just enough to get clear of the house, as we must set to at once to work for a living.
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