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Correspondence from Moina Mathers to Annie Horniman
27 November 1896.
I am writing you now to ask if you could help us for a few months with money. It is like this. Last January we could have managed, by giving notice (3 months) to have quitted this house. "Fra. S.R.[M.D.]" [MacGregor Mathers] just then received the offer of a post which was good from a monetary point of view, but which would have compelled us to go away to the East; and the G.D. [Golden Dawn] might have had for a while to take second place—so when you wrote (in January) about continuing help we gladly accepted rather than go away then . Then the house according to the rule of the place was taken for another year which has been most awkward, but we can now give notice in January to leave in April if necessary. In spite of all efforts we have not been able to keep out of debit. We are hard at work. "S.R." is working for publication but very little remuneration can come till the work is finished.[1] I am trying drawing also, but there are twenty failures to one success.
I would not write this to you did I not feel desperate. "S.R." does not know that I am doing so, but of course I shall tell him.
We really have more on our shoulders than two mortals, however strong, can get through. We feel that at any cost [the] G.D. must be carried on (at least our share of it). It is a terrible responsibility, but must be carried through. This gives me courage to write to you thus about the wretched money—otherwise I could not put myself in what you may think a humiliating position.
You will have seen that Manifesto lately of "S.R. ", so you will understand better perhaps how fearful the strain of one's life is apart from monetary or other bothers on the same plane.
That is why I knew that my painting could only be very third-rate, while I gave quite my best to assisting "S.R." with the 5°=6° [Grade Material].
Will you now b e frank with m e and tell m e what you have against me personally that you have not written? Or course we will always meet as "Sorores" , but I would like your friendship, if you care to have mine.
If Fra. "S.R. " has been angry with you in the Order; you must admit that he has been justified, for in the Order we know that you have not been loyal to him as representing your principal occult teacher (at least in the Outer World).
Still you did not know quite his position so I think I must explain things somewhat. If we could meet it would be easy to talk over everything—still I suppose that it is not possible just yet. Believe me that I am sincere to you.
1—The publication in question was The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abra-Melin the Mage. The translation was financed by F.L. Gardner and published by J.M. Watkins in 1898. The project was plagued with problems from the beginning and in the end it proved to be an unprofitable venture for all involved.
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