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Correspondence from George MacNie Cowie to Aleister Crowley
14 Glenisla Gardens, Edinburgh.
[Undated: circa 1913?]
Care Frater.
No vain form either. No I didn't mean that—I have your IOU for 200—The understanding was that I should count the odd 50 as a cash contribution to expenses for 1913 and be content with 225, presumably at the end of the year. But as there is no likelihood of that we will consider the 25 as automatically wiped out in 1914, so that you will only owe me 200 net. I only mentioned the full sum in case you had forgotten it, and the fact that I have not yet repaid the sum borrowed from the bank, so that the securities are still held up. The obvious thing is to get this paid off, and stop a leakage of 6 1/2 per cent. The only available thing left is a tramway debenture which is in my sisters name also and would involve a lot of bother and only bring in 85 or so, a considerable loss.
Don't worry at all about repayment. If things come right some day, and you can easily repay £200 net, well and good, we must just wait till then. You see it does not mean any hardship, only the awkwardness of having no loose cash to fall back on in an emergency, which may not however come.
Possibly in a few months I may have more income and that will make things better and enable me to help a little again. Don't assume I am not taking this matter in a sportsmanlike spirit. I merely could not affect total indifference as to the return of the money and again, I know you are in no wise to blame. I have no objection to a mortgage on Boleskine as it might be a protection to yourself (I am the last man likely to foreclose) but it would mean a few pounds extra possibly in legal expenses—cui bono?
I will tell you what I had been thinking of—I have an annuity of £20. Riders and the tram debentures being in another 10—If I had got the £225 back, I might be able to invest 300 by June next in another 20. With a house and about £60 a year, I could manage to live if I chose to give up ordinary work, and in any case to have ease of mind about my latter years and to day "go to hell" to any one whom I might otherwise have to be submissive. There has always been a danger of my being placed at the mercy of some understrapper. This happened to me once before (horridly) and partially so again, the last two years, but it was not unpleasant this time. Now my recent lift has laced me beyond that danger. I have no one but the firm above me. There is always the danger however of illness, and injury to my eyes or hands, to take away my income at a stroke and the feeling of having even so little as £20 a year certain I have found greatly conducive to the calm of mind one needs in the meditative life.
However by the time anything happens matters may have come all right, so we must not bother any more. I know you'd help me in return at a pinch, and that is an asset in itself. There was another matter I had in view, but no need to go into it at present.
I've managed to find another h[ouse] k[eeper] and one likely to do, but will be alone from the middle of this week til Nov, and the kitchen boiler has chosen this joyful occasion to spring a leak and land me in a mess.
I hope to be able to come up for a week about Jan. As the only object would be to see you, I'm wondering if it would not be a better investment if you came and spent a quiet week here. That is you'd use my railway fare to come here, and let it count as a contribution to A∴A∴ If might be a chance to do a little creative work in quiet.
I will be anxious to know how things are going with you. But it seems to me quite likely that this is no more than the darkest hour before the dawn and that you will be pulled through all right (This sounds quite Irish).
I've tried the chakkras and a rather good formula of my own invention, but after many experiments I find nothing beats my old method of concentrating on the bare idea of 'Silence'—it is the most promising always.
I am glad you are not feeling overwhelmed.
Oscar Wilde I used to have a considerable aversion for, but after I read 'De Profundis' I'd take off my hat to him if I met him on the street.
I'd specially like it if you'd tell me in a word, what's your attitude to Home Rule. Personally, it seems to me a mistake and a retrogression, and the Carson attitude a much finer one than the Redmond. Every good wish and I am always, your fraternally.
F[iat] P[ax]
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