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Correspondence from Aleister Crowley to Mrs. Graham (Aelfrida Tillyard)
1 September [1913]
Dear Sarasvati,
I thank you for the goodness and the grace upon my birth that smiled. I had hardly hoped to pull a leg which I esteem even above that of Sir Willoughby Patterne; especially as I had already pointed out that any statement I might make only indicated a possible point of view or a possible line of argument. In [Equinox] No. X you will find an Editorial statement to the effect that my life and work is a practical joke, that I am a fortune hunter, and that I do not exist. I have had six weeks of being daily kicked by a holier Guru than myself, and have written about 150,000 words including a poem called The Disciples dedicated to you. It was inspired by fear and doubt whether [?] you would answer my letter.
Your 'true dream' is very interesting. It is particularly curious because I wrote a poem called The Tyler also dedicated to you in which I explained why I always wrote Spiritual Essays in Billingagate and vice versa [?], of which the last verse is
"These worthy hogs read me with frowning brows But their guardian angel gains a fresh hold. However eager these unworthy sows Meet only a dweller on the threshold.
Please understand that I am a Guardian of the Sanctuary, and my main difficulty is to keep out anyone who is in any way unworthy. I do not care what means I employ so long as the Sanctuary is inviolate. It is natural for anyone who is turned away to blackguard the Guardian, and it does not follow that they are telling lies. They may say that the brute stuck a sword into them, or they may say that he behaved with such impropriety that they were quite sure that it was not a Sanctuary but a brothel. If you are going to be fooled by any of these illusions or terrified by any of these threats you don't get in. Anyhow your leg pull appears to have lasted a little more than a week. But of course you mustn't reject the [?]. On a certain plane they are quire true. But if you read my essay on Ovariotomy in K O P [Konx Om Pax] you will see it there argued with great eloquence that because shallow enthusiasm reveals ugliness, it does not follow that deeper [?] might not reveal a further beauty. We go into the Temple of Diana and find in the shrine only a common meteorite. But that is not the end of the argument. What is a meteorite?
I am very amused at your Heffer story. I don't think I offended him, but he was always frightened of me. Heffer was very anxious to catch the University tone—get the clerical trade, which he adroitly did by wearing black clothes and a long sad smile. I know nothing of his private life but I believe it is his broad ambition to rival Heliogabulus.
Your records appear all right. Your question about "Is it good for the mind to have nothing but a green cross in it?" appears to be quite fatuous. It is very bad for the mind, and if you keep it up long enough the mind will die of it, which is what you want. Of course I have a little doubt about the 8 minutes with no break on July 21, but I think I shall know more about it when I see you. I may be over in Paris in the course of the month. Just at present I am snowed under with Equinox X.
I am returning your official biography because it is extremely [externally ?] clever. With regard to choosing a title, you do not suggest a single one. The catechism of 'A.C.' is very good, and does very well represent exactly what I should say. But the catechism of Sarasvati is not quite true [?] in some points, though the last sentence I do not patently believe. You see I can't deny that you are a Christian. All I can say is that every other Christian would deny it.
Most fearfully busy.
Yours.
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