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Correspondence from George MacNie Cowie to Aleister Crowley
14 Glenisla Gardens, Edinburgh.
28 Nov. [1916]
Most Worshipful Most Holy Most Illustrious and Most Illuminated Father.
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
This letter is most unexpectedly to myself in the nature of a penitential confession. It relates to something that happened in Sep last which at the time I thought nothing of, nor dreamed it necessary to mention. It happened that whilst trying to go to sleep on Sunday night last, whilst much depressed by recent troubles, it suddenly dawned on me, or rather burst like a bombshell that I had quite innocently done something that now looks like the enormity of having broken my oath, tho' at the time being, it seemed no more that what I have often done, pointed to the Grand Arcanum as being expressed in the Smaragdine Tablet. It was at the time that I was getting Liber C [Liber Agape Azoth sal Philosophorum] typed in London. I explained to Mary [Mary Davies] that this was quite allowable, the text being just as incomprehensible to a stranger as an alchemical book. Unfortunately to illustrate this I pointed to the identical section in Liber 333 [Book of Lies], to show how non-understandable the matter was. There is no fear of her seeing any meaning in it, but it was a most unpardonable and stupid thing to do. I did not realise that I had obtained the information from the very MS I had just sworn to guard. When I happened to think of it the other night I nearly leaped out of bed and the thought has been a veritable torture since.
The only course is to make full confession and await what may befall. Other troubles seemed dwarfed to nothing, yet I have to get to work to make my mistakes right, or rather to try to.
29 Nov. No letter last week again which I take it means that you are over-burdened. I've been feeling vexed at not being able to send you any of the less verbose epistles [£5 notes] and situated as you are it may be trying. So I've thought out a ways and means and by making a small sacrifice I enclose a Nairne [£5 note] and will, as a minimum, manage to send you the same monthly—more when possible.
I've been almost ill for a week, feels like nerve depression. A worry about business, and other things has rather pulled me down.
There's no reply from H [Benjamin Charles Hammond] at all—My last letter, a specially nice one, as I began to see that the trouble must be that he has taken offence because we could not entertain his proposition about taking a house. (I blame myself for not having made a more 'diplomatic' reply, to keep him sweet) has produced no reply. On this account and for other reasons I think of going up to London at once if I can, not officially but as an ordinary visitor. By the way in case of any accident to myself at any time the VIII degree and other MSS are is a small iron box in the cabinet in my parlour, the key will be found with a little search in the same cabinet. In case of fire they would perish the box not being fire proof. There is no duplicate key, so I make this memo for you. I have had to let things rest a bit and be content with what I've done so far.
30th. Thursday. No letter this morning. If one comes I won't get it till late at night. I can't make up my mind about London, as things are, here, it would be wiser to wait for the January holiday. That idea of mine of lithographing Book C is now impracticable.
I hope all is well with you. Today for a wonder is bright and sunny and I'm going out for a walk, now, and to try and get rid of some of the cobwebs out of my brain. Some of this trouble has come on me out of trying to do right, but not being clever enough to foresee results.
Has the Word come? One longs for a gleam of sunshine in all this welter of depression. I'm well enough but have got the Blues, which is wrong.
Love is the law, love under will, so with love as always, tho' a scotch man is shy of expressing it, I am fraternally yours
Geo M Cowie.
M.D. [Mary Davies] is a brick. I've just had a most sensible and touchingly friendly letter, and all is Pax as far as she is concerned. And the rate at which the Lodge is growing is due to her.
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