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Correspondence from George MacNie Cowie to Aleister Crowley
14 Glenislaw Gardens, Edinburgh.
Mar 21-22. 1917.
Care Frater.
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
No news from you for a long time, but I am not feeling anxious, having the impression that you are all right and that things will clear up and be explained. My worst anxiety has been fear for the innocent people in London, who except two don't even know what has happened lately. If it were not for the confidence that you will come out all right, and that the Event is sure, I should have less calm.
For myself I seem to be going through an ordeal in which I am doing my best to emerge with honour on all sides. Be sure of that. I think I have got over that bad period of depression and almost illness and am my old self, only consciously older, and a bit broken. But it's precisely my old self I'm trying to get away from and submerge. I can endure shocks better when indifferent as to what happens to my personal self, and med[itation] has come down to that: self consciousness rather than thought being the obstacle.
So much alone, I don't know what mistakes I may be making, and get bothered whether I am doing right or wrong. The only consolation is that in spite of failure of ammunition, fog, and bewilderment I've stuck to my guns. To change the metaphor it is, as six years ago, sink or swim.
The real danger is that loyalty to my own country, clearly enjoined however in our own Manifesto, and anxiety for the protection of those under me, may be mistaken for disloyalty to our Chiefs in other ways. Have no fear of that. Don't I recognise that all my thoughts and motives must be seen and known. Another danger is that I may give the authorities the impression that I take your poppycock as seriously as they seem to do. Also make allowance for foolishness written in moments of depressions and bodily weakness.
You may think too that I am merely frightened at being under surveillance. As a matter of fact it has given me confidence, as the last thing we want is to work in secret, and it is precisely the governing classes we want to attract. The more open and above board we are, the better. Unless I am egregiously flattering myself, my movements in London will be watched, a fact at which I am more amused than frightened. Fancy the Seeker of Serenity overshadowed by a Guardian Angel in blue! I travel up on the 3rd, a more wearisome journey than of old and more costly. I am afraid that, thanks to Mary's [Mary Davies] knowledge of what's what, there will be more swank than I personally care for, however I must take what is due to my dignity as ambassador, and try to look as if I liked it.
I am very much on my guard, but I seem to have made a discovery of late. The words I had written a few hours previously about sticking to my guns, were repeated by the 'transmitting instrument' with an expression of approval and the intimation that I was acting rightly in safeguarding the innocent, at risk of displeasure. This did not come from you.
Useful this, if it is from the proper source, which there is every reason to think it is—I am wary however—It occurred spontaneously at first, and to the surprise of the instrument, who had similar experiences in childhood, but never since.
In case one has not reached you I enclose a copy of an interesting missive from Switzerland. This is all right, very satisfactory, and something I can be in with a clear conscience and try to help. We should certainly have delegates from here (and I should greatly enjoy seeing at least 'The Ship' acted) if only to see that the interests of this country are represented and protected. I will feel confidence in applying for passports now. I will await your opinion however. I enclose a copy of my reply. Although that is absurd on the face of it, the Congress might be mistaken here for a peace movement in favour of Germany, so I am cautious. They will think over in Ancona that I am an exceedingly cautious and unenthusiastic Scot. Very Well!
I was wrong about Scorpio. The
trouble seems to proceed from Saturn in
I want to get at my own weak points too, and have got one of the 'children' to work out my horoscope, under the illusion that it is that of some despr'rit villain whose ill points I want to be informed about. (Note. The horoscope is attached.)
I am feeling really well. There was no good in going to a quack, the remedy would be "drop everything for three months and don't worry", so I've seriously taken myself in hand. All depends on my being able to drop everything out of my mind for an hour or two in the mornings and I am endeavouring to stick to this gun too. To give up all the time I can to this is not selfish, as it braces me for everything else. But worry is hard to drop, and what an [?] time now the self has been a dyin'!
By the way the London people have heard glowing accounts of your prosperity and absence of need of funds. I've been careful to give them the true facts, that you rub along comfortably on the whole, and that something always turns up at the pinch, but that you are still denied the large sums necessary for your Mission and propaganda.
Not a word yet about the mortgage [on Boleskine], but at any rate no refusal [to renew it]. It's not a matter to decide in a minute and communication everywhere is slow. I'm finishing this today, the vernal Equinox, they are celebrating it tonight in London with due rite.
With every good wish, Love is the law, love under will.
As ever fraternally.
F[iat] P[ax].
George M Cowie.
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and the
position by sign of most of the planets. The good
combination of sun in Libra, Moon in Gemini agrees however
with my first impressions. The 'music' has not yet been
passed through the fire, so he does not recognise the ego as
the real impediment of the Great Work. I will now be able to
lead him gently into more useful paths, but at the 'interest
and advancement of others' enjoined on him at first does not
seem to be his forte. I have no doubt however of his real
enthusiasm and devotion to the Order—sometimes indiscreet
however, or of his regard for me and Mary, in spite of
strange ways of showing it. I will try to put him right
tactfully when in London.