|
Correspondence from Unknown Correspondent to Aleister Crowley
[Undated: circa January 1923]
Dear Sir,
Your amazingly interesting book, The Diary of a Drug Fiend, has left a vivid impression on my mind, and I wonder if your friends at the Abbey of Thelema could possibly help me discover what my Will is? I am quite serious about this, so please don't imagine that I am indulging in any "funny business".
I was born in Ireland (where I spent the first twenty years of my life), and have travelled extensively in North and South America with shorter visits to the Continent. I served in the Boer War of 1899, and also in the last little scrap, but was knocked out at Gallipoli. In all these years I have been connected with soft goods—first in shops and warehouses and, since 1917, as the Representative of a New York firm. I have no love for the game, and have only succeeded in making a comfortable living by it, but apparently I am doomed to spend the whole of my life among soft goods!
My only hobbies are Music, Photography and Amateur Theatricals, and I have one obsession. I have a positive mania to be the slave of practically any good-looking youth who crosses my path. Please do not jump to the conclusion that I am simply a degenerate of the Oscar Wilde type. I have never been "intimate" with any human being in my life, and have no desire for sexual intercourse of any kind, though I feel quite sure that if any man (for whom I had any affection) wanted to abuse me I should not refuse his request. The dominant desire is just to serve, with a morbid wish to be whipped by any youth who captivates my fancy. This mania has been with me for over twenty years, but it has only been indulged on two separate occasions—once in New York in 1909 and in London in 1919—by two youths who took me at my word and flogged me, just for sheer devilment I suppose, and I enjoyed the experience, but neither of the boys would continue the game.
That is my story, and I wonder if your friends can help me overcome this mental "habit". It has not interfered with my health or business, and is, of course, unsuspected by my nearest friends. Perhaps this will not be within the scope of your Order, but I could not let the opportunity pass. I have no real bent of any kind, and yet I feet that I am a square peg in a round hole—the only dominant desire I possess is the will to serve others.
Trusting that your Order may be able to help me find my "will", I remain, . . .
|