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Correspondence from Leah Hirsig to Norman Mudd
[EXTRACT]
[16 December 1924]
The thing I cannot see is how I can go on my own when I am constantly waiting to be called [by Crowley]—hold myself in readiness to leave anything I start at a moment's notice. And this I cannot harmonize with ordinary everyday life and problems of getting cash or far more serious, getting a [sex] magical partner pro tem. I decide very definitely to do something—and then it ends up by my saying 'What's the use of doing anything? Nothing will come of it.' I am evidently not made to create anything but chaos within myself. Went to the Dôme [restaurant] last night and also Saturday—nothing but a bunch of rotters there. Nina [Nina Hamnett] asked for you. Do you realize that I have not seen a soul except Norman Hall (3 brief visits), V.I. [Ida de H. Crooke] and yourself in the last three months? And I cannot seem to make a link of any sort with anything that looks like a human being. Everyone has a girl of his own—there seems to be no place for me anywhere. That is of course my natural way. But now it is acute for the reason that I have not the wherewith to go among the herd. I am alone if ever mortal was. And yet bound hand and foot.
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