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Correspondence from Aleister Crowley to Gerald Yorke
Aston Clinton Bucks
June 6 '44 e.v. Invasion Day.
Care Frater Volo Intelligere!
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Thank you a thousand time for your frank and sensible letter. I have long wanted a real show-down; but when I was with you every thing was so smooth that there seemed no opening. Also, until recently I did not see the whole business clearly myself.
All I ask is that you read this letter not once or twice, but until you understand. For "the Truth" (as even Freud found) "shall make you free".
1. It is dangerous to judge a man unless you have been able to put yourself in his place. I want you to understand me, first of all; to look through my eyes at what happened between us.
2. I have always taken myself and my mission with absolute seriousness. I believed in the Chiefs, and in my authority; also that those who opposed me were asking for trouble. I was, if you like, 80 per cent crazy in the same sense that Mohammed was; and I have often regretted that my common sense and my sense of humour prevented me from going over the line. But I was never one tenth of one per cent dishonest. Use your imagination! Suppose I had been a Spencer Lewis, what a Garden Path I could have led you down, and nothing would ever have persuaded you that it wasn't the Path of the Wise!
3. When we first met I was, having my "Indian Summer" No. 1. with Kasimira [Kasimira Bass] and Hansi; this excited me, disturbed the balance of my judgment, and made me impatient of delay or obstacle.
Thus I interpreted your motto as "I will to become a Master of the Temple", in just that sense of the words that was true for me. (I see now that you had not really bound yourself by this Oath; but I thought you had done so.)
4. The Crux of this Initiation, as you know, is to surrender or rather to annihilate "all that I have, and all that I am". When therefore it seemed to me that you were not taking your fences cleanly, I concluded that you were becoming divided against yourself (whence, of course, Black Brothers and all the rest of it) and jumped! What you read as "abuse" I had written as "the Archbishop's most fatherly of rebukes". I also thought that you were making the common transfer of your Oedipus from your father—whom you were afraid to oppose—to me, whom you could treat as you chose. I may have been totally wrong about these as about so many other things; but I think that by this time you ought to be able to see that there were fairly good reasons for my attitude.
5. About money—by the way, the name of either of the creatures whom you mention is not thought proper to conversation between gentlemen, even to maintain that one is more despicable than the other!—do please try once more to put on my boots. Remember that I had spent over £100,000 of my own money directly or indirectly, on the Great Work. This purchase of the Egg without haggling was completely in my blood, so that I simply could not understand how any serious Aspirant could even think of doing otherwise. (What was the first miracle after J.C. had gone aloft—like poor Tom Bowling? The blasting of Ananias, who 'kept back part of the price', according to the magical fable.) I am still utterly sure that this is Condition No. 1 of full Attainment; but I realize that there are people who don't see, and can't be made to see, the necessity.
I will also ask you to remember that, since the wane of the Kasimira-Hansi moon (pardon G.K.C. [G.K. Chesterton]!) during which I was really exaltè and so partially irresponsible, I have never wanted money for myself, but always, and only, for the Work. What else do you think I live for?
6. You, per contra, have become so suspicious that my most natural remarks seem to you to bear a sinister import. You really can't blame me if I return a civil answer to a civil question! For, since your return from China, I have been very careful indeed not to approach you for help. But, when you have got me talking about how things are going, you have spontaneously, almost impatiently, burst out with an offer of help.
My last letter is the exception, and you wouldn't have had that if the blow had not been such a surprising knock-out.
7. I do think, for all this, that it is rather the schoolboy "Those that ask shan't have, and those that don't ask don't want". Must you put me constantly on guard lest some casual remark about the war or the weather be interpreted as a hint, request, demand. . . . Can't you see how such an attitude poisons all decent relations? When things were at their worst between us, you once said "I shall always look on you as one of my best friends". These words I have always kept in my heart, and resolved that if ever in any way I could show that my attitude was reciprocal, I would add to my collection of Eggs!
Good; but it is up to you to implement this by keeping in close touch with me, watching me work, helping with advice, encouraging by sympathy, removing the whole of my worst enemy, worry, by giving me internal assurance that your help to the utmost would arrive unasked if need arose, you would decouple my energy. "Except ye become as little children"—that is what I need; to have the "not a sparrow falleth" feeling of a wise, omniscient, benevolent "Father in Heaven".
I know this is weakness; but you'll be weak too when you're nearing 70, with that mass of work behind, and in front, and at the moment put aside that I might write this letter! (Yesterday I wrote one of the 50 lines on "Why should I study etc?")
(About those 50 letters [for Magick Without Tears], let me interpolate, I wasn't nearly mature enough in 1930 E.V. I was impatient of stupidity, and all the rest. I'm almost human now! "Recognized in my lifetime"? Maybe it's nearer than you think. I had this mornings' 'big news' 9 days ago—it's like that: there are certain signs. It only needs one man—more probably, woman, to fit the pieces of the jig-saw. This book may do the trick!)
9. Now let me thank you once again with my whole heart for writing as you have done, and so enabling me to try to straighten things out between us. I have admitted and explained where I was wrong, and why; but you do woe it to yourself to examine the whole matter, and ask whether you too were not partly in fault.
Here is one bone to gnaw—your final sentence. "Are wishes for good luck any use if unsupported by a cheque?" Surely you can see the dishonesty of that, assuming of course, that the cheque would be forthcoming were it not for personal reasons.
I do believe that "prayer" (call it so) may be of use, but not unless it be sincere. Don't fold your hands when they are wanted to pull the man out of the ditch!
Now please, this is not a request, or a hint, or anything else; it is offered as "arising out of the previous question". Do believe at least that I have never forgotten my duty to you as a Member of the Order, and the above 'bone' is offered on that basis!
Love is the law, love under will.
Ever yours fraternally
666.
I am sorry that Angela [Yorke's wife] is having more trouble; at least the heat makes no one querulous in Aston Clinton to-day, rather like one of the worse kind in the Maltons! Please give them all my love and blessings.
A.C.
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