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Correspondence from David Curwen to Aleister Crowley
136 Marylebone Road London, NW1
Oct 13th, 1944
Aleister Crowley Esq.
Dear Sir:
Thanks for your letters, and all the flattering things you have said about me. Obviously you are offended at my rather outspoken manner, and therefore I bow my head and say, I deserve no better treatment from you. I am duly punished for careless words.
Were you to know me, you would realize that I am no "cur" or even a "wen." Neither am I sore, bitter or any of the other nice things you have said. Never mind—I asked for it and you laid it on thickly.
I first wanted a set of Taro cards very badly and was exasperated at your offhand reply—pardon me, I just got down to making them myself by hand.
I have been one of your unknown admirers for years, and I have been made to look a fool to two scholarly disciples of the O.H.M. for asserting—on your own information—that you were Antares, the Head of the Order. I was very discomfited by the fact [that you] are not. They laughed at me! How?
Not a very good start—you must admit, but us this my fault? Hence the unguarded words of my letter. Deliberately or not, your replies to my express questions left me little wiser than before. On this point, let us say, I am dense. (So I am.)
Is it any wonder then that my letters took on what seemed a hostile or querulouos tone?
You are after all a stranger to me, and I realize there was not need at all on your part to reply, but I do wish you had been kinder in your letters to me—that is, not so offhand. Doubtless you have a large correspondence, and little patience while I am the business like mind that likes to get down to brass tacks quickly, my fault—not yours.
I will say that for you—you have offered your help—after this, I do not expect you to bother about me.
I have read "One Star in Sight" but what I wanted was a little proof that all the degrees mentioned are not just like Masonic degrees that really do not mean a thing and confer no "power." You know quite well the "the Brighton Peep Show" you mention was out of order. I merely want to meet up with occultists who can show me that all the years I have studied are not wasted and all the things I have learnt not just Chimeras. The Theosophical Society is full of students who are content to know theories without ever putting them to the test. I just do not want to feel that "I evermore came out of the door that in I went" (as goes Omar's poem.)
The happiness or joy of initiation you mention I believe is true for a Yogi teacher I had often told me thus.—But I have had no taste of this. You are quite wrong to assert that I have not a glimmer of spiritual aspiration. Night and day I long for some inner experience that will show me once and for all that a lifetime's probing has not been wasted. Often I have seemed to be on the point of some great revelation but I never get anything that I remember of importance.
Please don't think I am grumbling if I tell you of my earnestness, for I want you to know that I am sincere. (Does this mean anything to you? Liber Legis is very stern at failures.)
Nor am I sore, embittered or frustrated. I know enough to understand that only the peace-full mind can achieve anything.
And outside of occult study, I am far from being a sad-cantankerous person. Quite the reverse. None of my friends would but admit that I am the best of company.
There is no reply expected to this letter but sometime I may meet you and you will be surprised at the different sort of person I am to what you have described me. I am sorry you showed my letter to others. It would have been better to put my letter in the fire. In all probability the mood of the moment was not about my best. But let's forget it. I want to go on studying your books without feeling that the author said or thought ill of me. My birth date is 10th August 1893. You wanted to know it. With best wishes and respect.
Yours Sincerely
David Curwen
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