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Correspondence from David Curwen to Aleister Crowley
136 Marylebone Road London, NW1
Oct 23rd, 1944
My spelling seems awful, but take no notice. I am not a writer by any means.
Dear Mr. Crowley:
I was very happy to get your letter dated on Oct. 19th. For some days now in snatches, I have been thinking about you, and have wondered how it was that I came to write to you in the manner I did, and with what unpleasant result. I must confess, it was quite a new experience in my life to have my character delineated as you did and in a way, I was amused at being called a "snarling dog." Why indeed should I complain, when all your life you have quite voluntarily agreed to be termed "the Beast"? Maybe after all it means I must be progressing in occult knowledge, or perhaps it is some new form of initiation, when such "classy" kind[s] of names are applied.
But joking apart, I have been somewhat sad, that in some unaccountable way, I approached a man from whom I expected so much, as though you had done me an injury. There was no call for you even to answer me at all in the first case. Therefore now that you have written to me at such length, I thank you. Without wishing to hurt you at all, I have come to the conclusion, the reason was that through the years, I have met few people—perhaps just by chance—who had a good word to say for you. But I who have read and studied your writings, feel now after a little thought, that you are so far above them all, that you can afford to ignore them; but one me it was a kind of auto-suggestion.
I received your letter today, and am answering it right away, as I have so much to say to you. I do not think that my letter will get us anywhere, but at any rate, I feel sure you will be interested. After your long letter, you certainly deserve to be amused.
I knew in the early morning that I would get your letter. How? My bus ticket was numbered "9056." You have certainly made a link between us with your "56."
Incidentally, I never add numbers. All numbers to me are a story. This has been my own particular method of divination for a long time. To me 6 is the number of happiness, or pleasure, and five money or power, but from now on "56" will always mean something to do with you or Liber Legis. And so I knew beforehand.
You asked what my version of 56 is according to Liber Legis. Quite simply. Divide 56 equals 28. Add 56 equals 11. Multiply the two, that is, multiply 56 x 11 equals 616, equals the Taro. תירו I admit, I do not know much about the significance of this, but how do you like this version?
Now to your letter. The blocks for the Taro pictures are made. The cheapest part is the printing. Not much money is needed for printing. £20 for [sic] do for many packs of cards. What then stops you? Please drop the subject if it is distasteful to you. I will not worry you any more on this subject.
Regarding the OHM, well I do not know yet what to make of them. If I am in touch with a different group or the crooks, I can hardly believe that there would be two orders under the same name. I am sending you their manifesto, in case you have not yet seen it. I can assure you I am not easily fooled.
That you are pledged to help others, I know; if you were a fake it would not be true. But the help I want for the moment is mainly explanatory. I want to understand your books perfectly if that is possible to an outsider like myself. I know quite well, that although mentally or inwardly I have been forced on throughout the years with the desire to learn occult knowledge, I have not made use of much of that which I have learnt. Like a good many others, I have tried to serve God and Mammon. I have burdened myself with so much knowledge that I have not put to use. So that I know enough to understand I can blame nobody if I have never kept any record, because my work has not been consistent, and therefore my results have been very scrappy. Maybe, if I may have the honour of joining your A∴A∴, I may do better. I am harnessed to rearing a family, and earning enough takes up a great deal of my time that I would have preferred to give to study and practice, of super-physical things.
The next question is the trumps: forget this silly query of mine. Your one explanatory sentence was enough to point out to me how obvious they are, and which are the elemental, planetary, and zodiacal. Do not be too hard on me, however. There is a very good reason for my not noticing which are which. Years ago, I had [the] most expensive horoscope written for me, which turned out to be entirely wrong during the following years. One was by a man who was supposed to be very clever at astrology, named Naylor. Because of this, I never took much interest in Astrology at all. I always felt, this was a most incomplete science and so was a waste of time. I have therefore never taken much interest in any signs at all. So far they have not meant a thing to me, and when I have come across them in your books, I have just ignored their significance. So that in this matter, you are equal to a "Senior Wrangler" teaching a savage, that is me, Algebra for instance. You are taking for granted that what to you is as A.B.C. is for me the same, but this is one branch of occultism that I know nothing about. I see now what an important part it plays in divination by Taro. I shall endeavor to make myself familiar with its most important points.
There is no trace of self pity in my mind. It is merely that before the sands of my life run out, I feel I want to have some of the concrete or practical experience that others boast of. In the Theosophical and Anthroposophical societies, they are content to learn the theory and leave it at that. I am afraid I have been nurtured in the former, and formed the complex that one should not venture too far without a teacher. "Evidently, the pupil is not ready, and the teacher has not appeared" as goes the story. I wonder if the teacher ever appears unless you claim one. However, I must admit cowardice in this respect. As soon as something has begun to happen, I have always stopped. There are plenty of warnings in your own books too, to be careful. I know well one cannot learn to swim unless you jump into the water. But having jumped into the water, what if one cannot swim? There is not always a lifesaver at hand. People "rise on the planes" in company in your books. I have only tried to tell you that so far I have had no company.
Neither have I wanted a peep show; what I would be happy to do, is to take part in a magical ceremony in which I could perceive results. Understand, I have not had much results for my time given up to now. Of course, you might say, well, it is your own fault, but think over my last paragraph, and you will understand why it is so. Sometimes I am overcome with the feeling that the whole thing is a chimera. I feel sure in your case, it could never happen, although there were times when it was so, as stated in your Equinoxes.
Your explanation of the consistent way one must go about it, is quite clear. I have read this a thousand times in your books and others. But for some reason, I have always wanted to travel alone and only appear when I have achieved something. I find you never get anywhere in crowds but I realize that alone it is worse. There is no-one at hand to help.
To come back to Astrology, maybe the reason I have been disappointed in this science is because I am not sure of the exact date of my birth. I have traced it back myself to April 10th, 1893, although on my birth certificate it is the 25th. It is not the 25th however (never mind now why). I was born in London, at 8 P.M. (Of course I know it was London, but I am not sure of the time.) I can only gather date and time from words dropped by my mother many long years ago. So take it as 10th April 1893, London, 8 P.M.
What do mean by a photograph taken at my last conviction? I can assure you I have never been in a police court let alone in prison. Is this a typing error or a joke?
In peaceful surroundings, I can close my eyes at any time and see masses of colour. In the blacky-grey, soon a hole opens and intense blue will appear and grow larger, and larger, Masses of Yellow will descend and change into purple and mauve. Never any astral figures of any kind. I used to check myself moving out, and now I cannot even move out. Any time, even in a train, I close my eyes and (not look blue.) see blue of varying intensities. I come out of trances often seeing a picture of something I will see on the morrow or soon after. I practice at odd moments. Night and day my thoughts are centred on occult things. Always so soon as I have finished any bit of material business my thoughts jump back. In company it is the same, and I wait for the moment when my thoughts can go back to my own ways, or read something on the subject. 616 to me would not mean the Taro, but happiness or pleasure, the "I" my ego, my real self is Happy. Coming across 616, this is what it would have conveyed to me. Mystical perhaps by nature, I like my own company best, unless I—quite rarely—meet one who thinks like myself.
In dreams which are fairly clear, I often fly about, propel myself this way and that, always across the landscape, never upwards. I never think to do so. Strangely enough it is always so dark, I can never make out the people below, although I see people. The black-out on a new moon night will give you the correct impression. I have never gone out voluntarily, by your method. Too bloody cowardly to go alone without a teacher. And this is the point why I want a teacher to tell me. I feel in your instructions there is still something you have not said which would be a safeguard. I must be all kinds of a fool to think so. But there it is, and I have to thank the Theosophical Society for this complex. How you will laugh at me. This you have described as the most elementary practice in your writings. Never mind, I can take it.
Well this was purposely a letter to introduce myself more clearly to you. Notwithstanding your remarks in some past letter, my aspiration is boundless, my understanding quite clear. In delineating character, I am strictest with myself. I know all my weaknesses, and try to correct them. I cannot help noticing the weaknesses of others, but I blame no person in this world for what he is. I believe in "There go I but for the grace of God."
I will conclude my letter before I start getting "querulous," but never hostile, towards you.
With best wishes for your good health (without it nothing can be done.)
Yours Sincerely,
David Curwen
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