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Correspondence from Jane Wolfe to Karl Germer
5169 1/4 Fountain Avenue Los Angeles, 27, California
May 16, 1946
Dear Karl:
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law!
Thanks for your letter of April 23, with its news of Mellinger's [Frederic Mellinger] activities and improved business status—how he will love that theatre job! And your statements re Jack [Jack Parsons].
I so wanted this materialization to take place, I acted as though it had, if not through Jack's efforts, then surely through the work of some one else: accepting the statement that there was One seeking incarnation.
"a beating"—I see that now as an exaggeration form your point of view, so careful of language. I knew by his eyes that he felt a bit guilty, at least: but I must not fall into Roy's [Roy Leffingwell] love of dramatization.
I also see Jack as "the most promising at present". One feels Life & Light with him, but the undisciplined personality is disturbing to the little ones who still want a father to lean upon, and who in turn bore him beyond endurance, if it be but once a month.
His handling of money is altogether wrong. For himself as well as for the Work. I have heard . . . at secondhand. From Marie Prescott, who still lives at 1003 [1003 S. Orange Grove Avenue] . . . that he has been pretty thoroughly milked by Ron Hubbard and Betty [Betty Northrup], who have been floating along the Atlantic Seaboard, from New York to Miami, on some boat proposition. And I am wondering if Ron is another Smith [Wilfred Talbot Smith].
Secondhand information can be harmful, and deviate from the real thing in hand; and I am not unmindful of that fact, and yet I pass this along. Why?
Now for the Hitler incident.
I used Liber Samekh daily for one month, then twice a day for the second month, 3 times a day for the final month, during which month the following took place. I quote from my diary.
1940 May 12:45 p.m. Something terrible happened! While reciting Section Aa [of Liber Samekh], the name "Hitler", "Hitler", was repeated. Going from the centre of the Circle to the East I thought it strange that his name should come to me and put it down to a world-thought drifting across my consciousness. I said Section B with more fervor than for some time. Invoking Fire, I did so with a feeling of great need of invoking and throwing in Power where it was badly needed. I was full of this Power, the Hitler business being still faintly in my consciousness. Indeed it was almost as though it was he who needed power.
At the West solemnity confronted me. I intoned the words solemnly and with a weight, as though something of tremendous import was about to take place. And starting "Come thou forth", I felt sobs rising out of the center of my being. It was with difficulty that I controlled myself though I steadily finished the invocation.
Beginning the Section G, the sobs took possession of me, tears streamed down my cheeks, and I could only brokenly get through—with a some times whispered word—to the finish of the Ritual.
There was a distinct feeling that something of vital importance to Thelema was lost.
Evening. I am wondering if all this refers to Jane only, and that the tricky mind went racing around looking for a reason?
One thing I omitted in the above account! That there was considerable exhiliration. . .in some subtle way I was in the thick of things and enjoying it. Then followed the reaction of sobs and tears. There was nothing in the slightest way resembling orgasm, however.
I repeated this experience to Frederic from memory. On going over the entry at this moment I note the "Evening" entry as something new and strange. It had gone completely from my memory and had, therefore, no place in my talk with Frederic.
And see that I have omitted in the diary what may be the crux of the whole thing: That there was a funeral dirge (At the West), faintly permeating that recital, and there was a casket wherein lay a body, which I assumed to be that of Hitler. But I was afraid to look!
I shall be glad of any comment, 'good, bad, or indifferent', as this experience puzzled me. Still does.
Love is the law, love under will.
The love of the High Gods be with you & Sascha [Sascha Germer],
Jane
P.S. I feel minded—for reasons unknown to Jane—to add a few of the closing days of this Ritual.
1940 May 22 12:45 p.m. . . . . . I say—with hesitation—that Harpocrates in the Egg came into Manipura. Did my mind put it there, for it first appeared in a lower centre. Also Force flowed to my head and played about Ajna—at least, between the eyes and around the eyes. There was gold at Boleskine.
May 23 12:50 Discovered myself crowned, as an Egyptian goddess: i.e. with Euraeus Serpent.
May 23 At the West Phyllis [Phyllis Seckler] came vividly before me (I have been going over her diary for Probationer), and I realized her as one of the chosen, the sacredness and holiness of her Yoni, and that she must regard herself as the custodian of a trust. . . . . .
May 26 12:45 Toward the end of the Ritual of the Tree of Life came before me. I saw the Beast's star sapphire with the serpent setting—then a figure came onto the Tree, the head in Kether, the arms stretched out to Chokmah and Binah. Afterwards the figure was crowned with thorns, which may be association.
The Ritual has re-established my center. I feel dignified and more at ease than ever in my life, while there permeates me a desire to forge ahead along a line not altogether clear, but some intellectual attainment is a necessary part of it.
. . . "so do thou bind together the words and the deeds, so that in all is one Thought of Me thy delight Adonai.
On going over my Winona diaries, I feel a ferment was working, but what have I done about it? I have given up the past, with all its dreams and possibilities, its potentialities; and am now content (?) to take a few crumbs that come my way, with gratitude. I mean, opportunities for doing things.
There are days when I can rest in eternity, but often enough there are days when I wonder, without depressive thoughts, what I am sitting around for. I miss the Profess House, or Community House living. Even with that one needs congenial people, and I found two or three at both Winona and 1003.
93 93/93.
Love,
Jane
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