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Correspondence from Jack Parsons to Marjorie Cameron
6 Feb. 50
I mailed you the Goetia and received your letter of Feb. 2. Yes, I walk on the brink. We all do, but I know it. Sometimes that knowledge is a terror. But sometimes it is a joy. Regardless of this, I have a job to do, and will see that it is done. All I ask of you is that you do your part. Be true to yourself.
If you decide to return here, you could probably do designing or other work that would allow you the necessary retirement—in a pinch I could help you, but you should not be dependent on me in that way. Perhaps others will help you—when you move with determination something usually turns up.
Regardless of what you do or what happens to me, my spirit is with you, and will never fail you so long as you have the courage and the faith to be true to yourself. When you do, your work must be your decision. I think I have explained my part about the best I can.
Perhaps you will understand something about Freya from my astral notes. She is at present the image of your animal self, your body of desire, sterilized at a time when you yourself decided to be sterile. She is your familiar on the astral but not the sexual sense and represents both a source of danger and a source of power. Someday you will have to destroy (i.e. absorb) her, for by this means she gains a soul and you discharge your responsibility. This is the need of her elemental soul which has attached itself to you in order to gain immortality. Someday I shall send you a secret MSS on the subject, but it is not time yet.
Be patient! You are now going about as fast as you can. Magick is growth, you cannot force it. I will directly send you a valuable MSS which will fill in most of the details you need to know at present. In fact, here it is.
As far as the screaming [?] goes, I don't know. It may be the only way to wake some people up, but I never cares much for it myself, of course I know nothing of what your way may be. I can only tell you how to look. Kali is Mother Ganges—Hindu Goddess of Destruction and Creation. She is black, murderous and horrible, but her hand is uplifted in blessing and reassurance. The Babylonian Isis, going down to Hell to redeem the Christ Tammuz. The Sophia—the feminine counterpart of God, descending through the Eons to redeem Matter (Ialdeboath = Jehovah) as the bride of Christ (Horus) is the milder Christian doctrine. (But be patient, and I will show you all.)
I am glad you are painting—it seems to be your material will and although the path destroys (equilibrates) the partial wills, the long test is always results.
My work will keep me here at least until early summer—after that—we shall see. I want to build up a small cash reserve between now and then, in case it is needed.
Re paint. I suggest coarse pigment dispersed in mineral oil, or paint on a skin tight costume. If you use pigment, be sure it is coarse enough not to stick in your pores, and is non-toxic also. You could try dusting it on over oil or cream.
I will send you all the MSS you need. Do you have a photograph. Bear it, my darling. That is the supreme ecstasy—to bear the unbearable.
Love, Jack
P.S. I have asked my lawyer to send you a complaint and waiver of acceptance, so you will know the score.
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