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Correspondence from Phyllis Seckler to Karl Germer
1701 Pico Santa Monica
circa July 1, 1952
Dear Karl
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
The Azar experience happened last July 1, 1952. I was awakened by a brilliant light coursing up and down the spine. It was the most intense light I had ever experienced, although a little work has been done on this up to Tiphereth. This light did not light up the Anahata center, but seemed to be confined to the spinal region. Along with it there was some instruction and some explanation which left my mind as soon as I wakened. All I was able to save from the sleeping state was the word Azar. I was able to keep this because I was told very strongly not to forget it. I was admonished to write it down, which I didn't, but remembered it until the next morning. The word was in Hebrew and was to be enumerated, kabbalistic correspondences worked out, etc.
This happened after an evening which had been disturbing to me. W.T.S. [Wilfred T. Smith] and Helen [Helen Parsons] had been over, and I had felt it necessary to do a banishing ritual after S[mith]. both before and after my nightly ceremony directed to the Angel [Holy Guardian Angel]. The ceremony had been greatly lacking in concentration because of the aforesaid disturbance. I think Smith has this effect on me. I must continually find answers to his twisted reasoning and on this evening I was still thinking about what he had said as I went through my ceremony.
When I awoke I thought it had been the Angel, but reason also told me that it might be wishful thinking or pure intuition.
The proof of the pudding seems to lie in the word Azar, but I don't seem to make this fir into the past events. What does it have to do with 276? I think I am 276, for the enumeration fitted a certain period so well. The future in unknown, perhaps the word will fit in there somewhere. Meanwhile I am puzzled.
As you know, there was a period when I was involved deeply with Love. At the beginning of this period I felt the time had come to step out of my neophyte purpose or formulated motto "Firm of Purpose" and take on something else. I took on "I will to love". The first part of this, using every letter, enumerates to 165. Also P.E.P. added up to this. This latter were my initials when I was using my maiden name and I invariably signed all artistic works with those initials. The second half of the motto added to 111. The word love was a key. Also Roy [Roy Leffingwell] was using this number, as you know. The whole of the motto added to 276, or spelt kabbalistically, ROV. Put a tail on the V and see a name. Now all letters having 2 in them are Beth, Kaph, and Resh. BKR in English. All letters having 7 are Zain, Ayin O and Nun final. So far, BKRZON. Is it not funny that my Dad and brother and son all carry the name Bickerton? 6, of course are the letters Vau, Samech and Mem final. These do not fit in obviously, but may through correspondences. Vau, for instance corresponds to Taurus, my rising sign. I'll not go further afield for there is danger of delusion.
The problem before me now is to find the significance of Azar. I have several ideas but think I might delude myself if I take them too seriously. That is why I asked you. Here are a few of my delvings. The letters ZAA are used for the 27th Ęthyr. Moon is the symbol I get for the Ęthyr. R is added to this, a number corresponding being 200 and also meaning the Sun. Now 276 written in that funny way which I tool before this dream? Starts with 2 looking like the moon and ends with 6 looking like the disk of the sun. Zain seems to fit very well as it corresponds to Gemini, in which sign I have four planets. Also I seem to work by intuition, a Gemini trait.
Apropos to your suggestion to put a point in the sun! I do not at this time think I have attained to that point! Of course I shall not use it.
Now I'll leave this subject and go on to something removed from my self. Have you noticed in The Book of the Law how the words Ordeal X seem to suggest Aleph the fool? OX from the initials of this. OX is Aleph. Aleph spelt out in full equals 111. Love enumerated with every letter used adds to 111. The Fool signifies both Nuit and Hadit., etc.
No, I have not heard further about AZAR. But I did have another experience where I realized the nothingness of pure existence and the power which made outward events. It all came on very easily, no light, no blinding sense of vision. It was just like stepping quietly from one room to another. No fanfare, no surprise. No Angel. I was That which made my life, and former lives and future ones. The That was nothing, just pure power. Creative power. It had no form, only the outer events which It (I) created had form. They appeared as a network of points connected by red lines and I was the center. A center of nothing without even the existence of light. I think this was probably very important and I am still astounded how easily it happened.
I had better stop right now before I pour out my black mood of the present on your shoulder. Will I never gain the Knowledge and Conversation? It seems such a waste of time to study on the silly college courses when I would rather study Astrology or write poetry or paint, etc. But I know it is good discipline and I shall stop this lament this minute. Excuse please.
I've not forgotten that I have promised to show you some more poetry. It's not that they are much good, but they are a reflection of emotional and sometimes intuitional reactions to events. I can't write unless I am inspired, and inspiration has some value. Trouble is, the instrument of expression is not refined enough.
I hope you are well and are still planning to come out to Calif. I send all my best wishes.
W.T.S. knows about that bookstore combing London for Crowley's books. Jane [Jane Wolfe] told me that he told her.
Love is the law, love under will.
Love,
Phyllis
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