Correspondence from Phyllis Seckler to Karl Germer

[Undated: circa December 1, 1952]

Dear Karl

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Thank you for your wonderful letter. I found it very encouraging. Sometimes I would like to believe I am an artist, but I am beset with doubts more often than I can believe it. There are so many Failures, and unpolished works as a result of my brush or pen; and there is so much drudgery to get out of the way before I can devote any time to an expression, that I feel I could do; that I haven't allowed as much inspiration to work out in art as I would like. Consequently, when I do paint or write a poem, the result is very imperfect owing to lack of application to the matter. The poems you have read were inspired by love, as you know, and that fervor helped to gill in a gap of a lack of good solid study. Now, of course, college is helping fill in that lack to some extent. Next Spring I shall be taking a course called Introduction to the Study of Poetry. This will help polish off my style, should I ever write poetry again. You see, right now, I even doubt that I can. One walks in the shadows at times, and this is one of those periods. I know the quiet periods are necessary and a part of my pattern. I even long to have peace at odd moments. But when those moments come, I resent them, and long to be producing again. Talk about contrary human nature!

Poetry, or art, is only a by-product of something else, and well I know it. It is an effervesence or a spilling over from a capacity for "extraordinary love" as Schmolke [Herbert Schmolke] puts it. The next time I love, who knows what will result? It may not be poetry at all!

Yes, I know about loneliness too. It has been my companion ever since my teens. I no longer fear it, for it is as you can say, "there is something that remains". Whenever I wish, I can reach out and be assured of that "something". This certainty becomes stronger with each great event or lesson. But your letter may be the needed prod to do some more serious work.

You are right. I swing to the oyster effect, the attempt to cover up a hurt with a hard coating. But I am also very naive, and jump in for another experience which I know will not be happy. And I know there is no certainty in life except the H.G.A. [Holy Guardian Angel]. I sometimes get the queer effect of pain while at the same time knowing it is only a shadow and temporary. Perhaps it is only negating one attitude with another. I have outgrown the emotions expressed in these poems and I doubt it I shall ever think that way again. Or rather, if I shall ever love that way again.

I feel as though I were struggling to put down ideas again, and am becoming involved. Well, I shall leave it. I am only glad you got some enjoyment form the poetry.

My new address is above and I am finally settled in and the worst of the work is done. My schoolwork has suffered some from the upset, but fortunately, most of my classes have been easy this semester. I doubt if I shall come off with as many A's as I had thought, though.

It strikes me just now that I haven't sent the whole lot of my poems, only about 3/4 of them. Would you like to read any more? Yes, I have copies of them. I only asked for their return, because of a nagging worry that they might fall into the wrong hands and be misunderstood. They reveal too much. To tell the truth, there is too much of a tendency among some of our Thelemites to poke into another person's business and gossip. Or at least I found it so some years ago. I withdrew from contact with some of the worst offenders since then. There is always the possibility that some of them might have improved, but a few will never do so. There, I don't often make comments like that. I don't like to remark about others very much. Also any remark Jane [Jane Wolfe] may say doesn't come under this category. That goes without saying. She has my fullest confidence. Jane is balanced and straight, which can't be said of many others.

You mention "the dreadful issue" from Liber VII. I memorized this section but was puzzled about just this phrase. What connection does it have with the appearance of the H.G.A. in the guise of another human? Also, when this sort of thing occurs, can not one lay it down to a projection of the H.G.A. onto another, and consequently worship it as such? One later may withdraw the projection and then the other human ceases to exercise the same magic and the affair is ended. Sometimes I think the H.G.A. is very effectively contacted in the projection image. It is a foreshadowing of His nature in the realm of matter and in an understandable form. This is something of the idea lying behind the poems.

How else can one explain the fact of human love? But have I talked about these things before and am I repeating myself? I often mull over these matters, trying to extract the utmost of meaning from love. For after all it is my expressed will.

Now I think I have been confusing enough. I had better stop. There is only one course that remains unconfusing, that is action. It is doing. All thoughts upon it are mere tools, stepladders to Understanding, but in the end thoughts do not bridge the gap.

With all the best to you.

Love is the law, love under will.

Phyllis

Shall I send Equ[inox]. 5 and Liber Saturnus to your present address?

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