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Correspondence from Marcelo Motta to Sascha Germer
Caiza Postal 15 Tijuca, ZC-09 Rio de Janeiro, CB Brasil
24 December 1963
My very dear sister:
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
The Greetings of the Solstice to you!
I received your letter of the 15th yesterday. What can I say? I stand convicted beforehand in your eyes. If I am nice to you, I am trying to get you to serve me; if I am nasty to you, it is because I hate you. . . . No matter what I say, you will interpret it as hostile to you, personally. So what can I say? Yet I must speak.
For the last time, I don't hate you, I never hated you, though I will readily admit I have been very, very angry with you since the day I seemed to understand, in Barstow from some questions of Karl's [Karl Germer], that you suspected me of intercepting a letter of yours to him. But all this is past. I repeat definitely, that it is all past. I love you dearly, and I beg you on my knees to forgive any wrongs that my gross personality have done you in the past. If you can't forgive, at least try to tolerate. Are you so perfect yourself, to be so meticulous about my faults. which I will readily admit, are many? Are we not all human beings together? It is you who keep harping on this on every letter you write. If you knew how you hurt me when you do so, how hesitantly I open any letter from you, knowing it will wound and disturb me, perhaps you would have more pity for your younger brother, and treat him a little less unkindly.
I never got any patent of the O.T.O. How can you possibly think that I would get such an important document and not acknowledge reception of it? Why didn't Karl mention it in his letters, if it was sent in April of 62? Was he already sick then? You must remember that you never told me anything, either of you. His death was a deep shock to me—very deep. I neither expected nor imagined it. It altered all my plans, same reason, I at once went on my guard. But what you have done—keeping silence all this time, yet having, as you acknowledge, got all my letters—don't you realize how cruel you have been? I have at times gone almost insane worrying about you!
If the patent came registered, I suggest you try to trace it through the post office. But it is quite useless to put your lawyer on it. It is not the F.B.I. which is opening or intercepting our mail—it is the Communists here in Brazil, who have completely infiltrated the Post Office. The F.B.I. might photograph the document, but they would send it on.
You accuse me of trying to make you serve me. Does that seem shameful to you? Yet I am a servant myself, and am not ashamed of it. I am my Lord's servant, not a good one, but I do my best.
You also accuse me of threatening you, of being vengeful, etc. I don't think I have threatened you on my account. But if I have told you, "be a good Thelemite, or else!", I will repeat it, and repeat it, and repeat it. But I will still not be threatening you. I will be warning you. Try not to be so hostile. Read LXV, Chapter II, vv. 33-34.
As for the Swiss: Yes, I will readily agree that it was quite ridiculous of my to ask for his name. On the other hand, don't expect me to feel kindly or brotherly towards him. I am no forgiving Jesus. I may be a brute, and have ugly feelings, and anything else you care to say; but I maintain that the man's record, up to now, is the worst possible. What I said about him in my last letter to you still stands, and shall stand come hell or high water—unless, of course, he comes to his senses. If he still can. I have written him two letters or warning and he disregarded both. On the subject of his mistake, I suggest you read the paragraph before last of Chapter 58 in The Book of Lies. Perhaps you will then understand why what he is doing is so very, very wrong. You are also mistaken in thinking that I hate him. It simply annoys me no end to see so many good possibilities going to waste just because of one overblown ego. And the harm he is doing to all of us—including himself—is not little. His silly behavior reflects on all of us, on the O.T.O. and on Thelema.
I am sending you a letter I received from the people to whom I am trying to sell a novel—I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR ALMOST A WHOLE YEAR. I have been living on approximately 75 dollars a month for the last five months. The job I told you I was trying to land is still promised—but keeps being postponed month after month, month after month. I have suffered several magickal attacks, and passed through several very hard ordeals. As soon as I can send you money, I will do so. How soon that will be, I do not know. It is quite all right not to register your letters to me. They are much more likely to attract attention here if they come registered—Brazilian Communists are a lazy, stupid, but vicious lot. The F.B.I. is more intelligent and more efficient.
Let me repeat to you what I wrote you once before: it is quite useless to worry about the F.B.I., C.I.A. and so forth. Those people have instruments of all kinds, and if they want to spy on you or me, they will succeed. You have no idea the kind of ingenious technical devices they can make use of. And think of the amount of money and the number of highly trained men they can put on research. I repeat, don't worry about them. They are nothing but dogs barking at our heels, and if He will that they bark, let them bark. All this is part of our ordeals.
Take the subject of the patent, for instance. I was definitely, most definitely not ready in April of last year to direct any kind of O.T.O. work. I had not yet taken my Oath of Service. It was 666 who decided that the patent should not come to me hands then, and therefore allowed the demonic forces to work through their instruments. Try to understand: all demons—including "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddah" and "Brahma", the Four Great Princes—are subjected to Him. When they nip at our heels, remember, "Ye would have no power over me if it were not given ye from above." Be patient, try to learn the lesson that He is trying to teach us through such means. There is always something He wants us to learn when such things happen. The best way to make them stop happening is to learn the lesson He wants to teach.
Still on the subject of the patent—you don't accept me as O.H.O. [Outer Head of the Order]. All right—I don't quite accept me as such, either. But then, will you please tell me where is somebody better qualified? And puhlease do not point to Switzerland.
Are you the O.H.O.? I will work under you willingly, gladly. Is some other, deserving brother the O.H.O. Tell me so, no need to mention his name of course, or his address, for that matter. I will take your word for it, and work under him, through your mediacy, gladly.
BUT!—if there is no O.H.O., I claim the position by right of Initiation. Please try to remember that I am a Master of the Temple—by Karl's own words. I do not claim the Grade, because it is not complete on all planes—very far from it—and it would be very foolish of me to claim it. But by right of my Oath, and by right of Initiation, I can claim that, if there is not an O.H.O., I take charge and assume the responsibility—I have already done so, have I not?
The Swiss I don't accept as anything more than a Probationer. If this patent you wish to send me is to be subject to the Swiss's "authority"—I want nothing with it. I have no wish to harm my country and my countrymen by joining a diseased current. I will repeat to you again: The Swiss is sick. When I asked Karl what I should say if somebody asked questions about the O.T.O., he wrote me to say that the O.T.O. is dormant, and will continue so until the Swiss either comes to his senses or goes the way of all fools. You must have a copy of that letter in the archives—read it. I believe it was written in 1962.
I have no wish nor inclination to argue with you on all these subjects. I have already talked far more than I should, and I will say no more. Please, if you write me again, do NOT write Magickal Name so openly like that. That is very unwise, and can do much harm.
I will add this more, though: if in the future the Swiss stops misquoting, "Interpreting" and altering the text of AL, stops feeling like saying "come to me all ye who suffer, and be comforted"—the attitude of the Black Brothers, and quite all his silly ways, I shall accept him as a brother—but as O.H.O.? Only if Karl decided on it, or if ALL brethren of the O.T.O. decide to vote him such. I certainly didn't—and I have the right to claim the IX° and the XI°. . . .
Love is the law, love under will.
Fraternally,
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