19 August 1921 - Bennett Diary

Friday, 19 August 1921

The retirement has not begun yet, but I went bathing in the sea this morning, with the Beast and Leah [Leah Hirsig], and while undressing, he began to talk to me about initiation, and said it was a matter of getting the subconscious mind at work, that when this subconscious mind was allowed to have full sway, without interference with the physical mind, illumination began, for he said this subconscious mind was our Holy Guardian. He illustrated this by saying that everything was felt in this mind, and it is constantly urging its will upon the physical mind, and when these impressions, or inner desires, are restricted or suppressed, evil and all kinds of trouble is the result.

He also said that the sexual question was the most deep rooted of all desires, therefore caused most hurt, because this trouble started very early in life, and went with us all through our lives, tormenting most people with all the tortures of Hell, and still this subconscious mind persisted, and only satisfies itself when its will has been impressed upon the physical mind, which it does in all ways possible, in dreams, in sickness, and if not satisfied, ends in madness or some Hellish abortion.

Because, he said, the sexual organs were the physical symbol of God and the Sun, in that they had creative power and therefore of all the parts of the body, most like God and nearest to the Holy Guardian Angel.

This was a great surprise to me, for I had always looked upon the subconscious mind as a receptacle, as it were, in which all knowledge and experience gained in life were stored, and that the Holy Guardian Angel was a kind of super-conscious mind towards which we had to climb (as it were up the Tree of Life to Tiphereth). Yet I knew all these parts of the Tree were in us.

Now I see as I never saw before. It is only a matter of listening to this subconscious mind, and doing what it directs, for it is the True Will. Thus 'Do what thou wilt, shall be the whole of the Law' is TRUE.

But how much sorrow and trouble it would have saved, even in my life, if I had been taught this, instead of that damnable teaching that all these desires were of the flesh and therefore the Devil and must be suppressed, and that a man should not have such desires. Oh God, what happiness I have lost through such devilish teaching. I, a perfectly healthy man, doing all I could do to suppress these perfectly natural desires, and yet all the time finding that they were always as strong, if not stronger than ever. Here I stopped, having to go to Pentagram.

After arriving home, we all began to talk about this, and I seemed to see the whole reason of evolution. It is indeed as A. C. said, that all is contained in the Astral; this inner body, which produces the outer physical, everything must be contained in it. But what a revelation this is to know! It is so great, this knowledge, that it feels as if my head would split; I cannot think of anything else. Now my lamp goes out.

It is now morning, and I have been trying to understand what occurred last night. It seems that the revelation was almost too much for my brain, because for several hours something in my brain seemed about to break or give way; but all the time I could not help or hinder the thoughts that rushed in upon me. One outstanding idea would persist, and that was: what fools we men are, we make for ourselves a prison house, and erect on the four walls mirrors that cover all the walls of this prison; and not being satisfied with this, we continue to cover the ceiling with mirror, and these are out five senses, which reflect themselves and multiply each reflection, in hundreds of forms, until he is so befogged that he is at least content to believe that these reflections of himself, as Man and Bull, are all. But there are a few who have examined these mirrors, and become interested in them, and then begun to polish them, to find that the more they polish them, the less reflection they give; until a time comes, that they find they are not mirrors at all, but only veils through which they can see. Then the polishing begins in real earnest, and the pleasure becomes ecstasy, and then begins the true delight and joy of these five senses, and this joy he tries ever to exceed and exceed. He then finds that he is more than Man and Bull, he is Royal Soaring Eagle, with the Majesty and Strength of the Lion.

I have written this just as I perceived it last night, and it is just as the Beast says, that all is in the Astral Plane. And the whole thing is so clear now, that I wonder how in the world I could not see it before. The subconscious self which is just behind this veil of the senses is All, and all the trying to impress the stupid Man and dull Bull, through the emotions, to carry out the will of the Soaring Eagle and the Majestic Lion, which is his True Will, that he may really and in truth become King, to sit on his throne, and have conversation with the Holy Guardian Angel.

The same condition occurred in my mind last night again, as the night before, but this time instead of resisting it, I thought I would keep quiet and not allow myself to become excited. So I lay down in bed, and said I would consider it as a peculiar dealing of God with my Soul. And this idea had the effect of a quiet realization of peace.

Then the thought came into my mind, that the Khabs is in the Khu, not the Khu in the Khabs. Then began working in my mind, that this was what the Beast had said, that the subconscious mind was the All, and this subconscious mind was in the physical consciousness, but the physical consciousness was not in the sub-consciousness. This was again a new revelation, and heartened me to proceed as I was doing, because I felt that it was the subconscious mind that was at work in my conscious mind. This at once put all my fear and trouble at ease and rest, and again I felt a kind of ecstasy and peace; but I found at the same time, I was perspiring to such an extent with this ecstasy, that I was absolutely wet through, but I was at peace. Then another idea came into my mind, which proves to me conclusively that it was the subconscious mind at work, because this idea has not been in my mind for years.

The idea is what is called the Lord's Prayer—Our Father, which art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name, Thy WILL be done on Earth, as it is done in Heaven. I went no further, the whole thing flashed upon my physical consciousness as the whole of the Law. And my ecstasy increased as the idea unfolded itself, which was, when a man does the Will of the Father on Earth, and is conscious that it is his True Will, that Will becomes pure, and to the pure all things are pure/ 'Do what thou wilt, shall be the whole of the Law.'

I stopped to drink deep of the peace and joy, and in my ecstasy of joy, I began to praise God with the Hymn—'O Thou who art I beyond all I am.' Then I tried to realize what this would mean to me, if I could continue to get into this state of mind regularly, and I found my subconscious self begin again. In imagination, I preached the Law to Masters of Labour, and to the Men of Labour: I showed them how each could follow out his Will, and be so happy and contented. And each party was so convinced that was the only thing he had to do, was to find out what was his real Will; that in my imagination I found myself a Great Leader, and a Member of Parliament, without my consent, but simply pushed there by both classes of people.

Of course, it took me nearly two hours to go through what I had just written in a few lines. But my subconscious mind went on to solve their problems with the greatest ease. I think my physical mind stood for the people I was speaking to, and put to my subconscious self the difficult problems, but all were swept away with ease and finality.

Then I became calm, without the full joy and ecstasy, but at perfect peace. One of the difficulties which had been some trouble to me for some days, came to my mind—I had wanted to write an article on the Magical Ceremony, but neither I nor Maitland could start or invent anything suitable or reasonable. We had tried several times, but each time failed. Now the whole thing came of itself, which I will write on another page.

I have just finished writing, and happened to turn to the first page and read it, and strange as it may seem, I did not know what was written there. When I wrote these last pages, they certainly were not in my mind last night. In fact my physical mind had forgotten the idea. This proves to me still further that the Beast is right.

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