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Frank Bennett Diary Entry Monday, 5 September 1921
Woke at 5.30 a.m. Got up, washed my shirt. Did Pranayama for 15 minutes. Physical Exercise for 15 minutes. Got ready to go down to breakfast from 7 to 8. Pentagram to 8.30. Started at that time to write pamphlet about the Abbey [Abbey of Thelema]. At Mailand's [Cecil Maitland] and Mary Butts' dictation until 10 a.m. Studied the Bornless Ritual until 1 pm. Dinner 1 to 2 pm, 2 to 3 Meditation on the Past and Future. This I may consider finished. For as I look across my past life, I find I have spent 36 years trying to find the right way. Twelve years ago I first saw the Beast; then I decided, half heartedly, to follow him. And in the last few years, since I received The Book of the Law, I have done a great amount of work for his teaching. But since I have seen him and lived in the Abbey with him, I have seen something of his inner life; and his great disappointment, not with his work, but with those who ought to be carrying out his work in spreading his teaching, and the Law as it is received through him.
I am determined he shall not be disappointed in me; for I will spend the rest of my life in spreading his teaching. I may not be able to do much. But by the help of him, the Beast, and of my own Real Self, which he has given me an insight of—I may do much. For he alone led me to the knowledge of my own real subconscious self. Blessed be his Name for ever. And may the Gods grant that I may reincarnate with him again, and again be his disciple.
I have just finished reading 'Liber Samekh,' the Bornless One, which he has written on the meaning of the BARBAROUS NAMES, which I am the first to use. O Spirit of my Heart, grant that I may become a disciple worthy of such a Master. AUM. Studied invocation all afternoon. 5 to 6 Tea and smoke. 6 to 7—Meditate on being a separate self. After Pentagram from 8 to 9, meditate on Tangle of being a separate being. After about half an hour, I became very quiet, which spoke not by my reason—that had stopped. Something within me said 'I will be thy Voice, and will speak my Message through thee. I will give thee joy and peace, and show thee the fullness of Life, Love, Liberty, and Light. I will make thee my Torch Bearer in the Southern World, and make thee a Master of the Temple, and bring thee to a great realization of Me.' The Voice went on for half an hour, but this is the sum of what it said. Now, I do not feel at all like a Master of the Temple, and I have no desire for it; I only want to do all in my power to help the Beast, my Master. But this has made me strangely happy, but I will not show any signs of happiness. I will keep my counsel quietly and calmly, and be ever ready for the voice to speak. I think I know how to listen and keep silent now.
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