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Mary Butts Diary Entry Sunday, 14 August 1921
On question of a [magical] retirement—daimon. Before daimon. (1) Do not like filthy streaks in the life here, ∴ doubt Beast’s judgment. One does not directly arise from the other.
Should be based.
Do not feel that ‘I’m fit’, and that it is the ‘right gesture’ at the moment. The conditions would make it undesirable—I want to get well.
It is ‘a thing to do’.
I should like to get away from every one—even poor C.M. [Cecil Maitland], and stick straws in my hair, and [illegible], and brood, and swear.
I should like to be alone, and take great walks up into the mountains. Can’t. It is too hot.
The daimon came in askew and said ‘I won’t insult you by suggesting that you will do it, because you are afraid to say ‘no’ to the Beast. But you may be accepting because you can’t stand being dared by yourself’.
I accepted that.
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