Mary Butts Diary Entry

Tuesday, 30 August 1921

Astral journeys.

Symbol

Mounted with a rush—cleft between dark pointed peaks, very high up, sky blazing with stars. Cross became very black and heavy—the rose scarlet-red and magnificent. People swarmed and snatched the cross and exalted it, and tried to destroy the rose—I was aware again of 'the enemies of the rose'.

I let them have the cross, and fell away with the rose into the country I saw before, for a few seconds, at the end of a vision on the Abbey [illegible] and did not note. The first time it was the [illegible] of a green grass hill under the moon and two women stooping, and the pure air sensible. This time level meadows full of rosy light and mist. I remembered the Good Friday magic (not the rose, but the atmosphere.) I cannot get back. I have tried, with and without drugs. [illegible], and longing, and indifference, and amusement.

The symbol is so significant I seem to bungle it.

The night before last—dreary country, a cannon shooting at a round target—door in a rock. Went through the door—a room of uneven brown stone, 'broken in half'—exit half way down R. and L. [illegible]. At end altar above it a design.

The hand was moving about, and had an important philosophical significance. Colour—purple and green—Went out R. rocky country, absolutely dull—large grey serpent about, quite inoffensive—Pale blue ellipse skimming about trying to settle. A short shape of English Sunday—unspeakably dull—Went in again, tore odd design, under a drawing in charcoal of a [illegible] head—realistic. I said '[illegible]' should have been his. Should have [illegible] off other—had not initiative. Then a dreadful struggle to stay there, fought it out till I sat on altar with back to designs—Felt a little of the God power—Remembered Euripides 'open the lightning's eye, rouse the fire that sleeps against this house'. Tried to destroy the place—widened the gap in the roof.

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