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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Tuesday, 20 March 1900
[See Preparation for the Operation of the Sacred Magic of Abra-Melin the Mage for background information.]
I finished my climbing paper of O.E. [Oscar Eckenstein] and in the afternoon shut myself up, and went on a journey. This much only do I remember (I had been reading Clothed with the Sun).
I went with a very personal guide:[1] and beheld (after some lesser things) Our Master as he sate by the Well with the Woman of Samaria. Now the 5 husbands were 5 great religions which had defiled the purity of the Virgin of the World: and "he whom thou now hast" was materialism (or modern thought).
Other scenes also I saw in His life: and behold I also was crucified! Now did I go backwards in time even unto Berashith and was permitted to see marvellous things.
First the Abyss of the Water: on which I, even I, brooded amid other dusky flames as Shin upon Mem: held by my genius. And I beheld the victory of Ra upon Apophis and the First of the Golden Dawns! Yea: and monsters, faces half-formed, arose: but they subsisted not.
And the firmament Was.
Again the Chaos and the Death!
Then Ath Hashamaim v[e] ath h[a]-aretz.[2] There is a whirling intertwining infinitude of nebulæ, many concentric systems, each system non-concentric to any other, yet all concentric to the whole. As I went backwards in time they grew faster and faster, and less and less material. (P.S.—This is the scientific hypothesis, directly contrary to that of A[nna] K[ingsford]) And at last are whirling wheels of light: yet through them waved a thrill of an intenser invisible light in a direction to the tangents. I asked to go yet further back and behold! I am floating on my back—cast down! in a Wind of Light flashing down upon me from the immeasurable Above. (This Light is of a blueish silver tinge) And I saw that Face, lost above me in the height inscrutable: a face of absolute beauty. And I was as it were a Lamb slain in the Glamour of Those Eyes. Thus was I made pure: for there what impunity could live? I was told many had been so far back: none further: those who could go further would not, since that would have reabsorbed them into the Beginning, and that must not be to Him who hath sworn to uplift the Standard of Sacrifice and Sorrow, which is strength.
(I forgot the Angels in the Planetary Whirl. They regarded me with curiosity: and were totally unable to comprehend my explanation that I was a Man, returning in time to behold the Beginning of Things.)
Now was I able to stand in my Sephiroth: and the Crown of Twelve Stars was upon my head! I then went into the centre of the earth (I suppose) and stood upon the top of an high mountain. The many dragons and guardians I was able to overpower by authority. Now the mount was of glistening whiteness, exceeding white as snow: yet dead and unluminous. And I beheld a vision, even like unto that of the Universal Mercury:[3] and I learnt that I myself was Sulphur and unmecurial. Now having attained the Mecurializing of my Sulphur I was able (in my vision) to fecundate the mountain (of Salt) And it was instantly transformed. Into gold? What came ye out into the wilderness for to see? No: into living, glowing, molten light: the Light that redeemeth the material world! So I returned: having difficulty to find the earth (?) But I called on S.R.M.D. [Macgregor Mathers] and V.N.R. [Moina Mathers] who were glad to see me. And returned into the body: to waste the night in gibing at a foolish medico.
1—This horrible phrase was not my own: I must not be judged by it.—A.C. 2—["Ath Hashamaim ve ath ha-aretz" is the first verse of Genesis in Hebrew.] 3—Described in a MS edited by S.R.M.D. and issued to the Second Order, in which is a picture of Mercury diving into the sea.—A.C.
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