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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Saturday, 21 April 1906
I of R[a] H[oor] K[huit] gives glorious material flashes of light, akasic and lilac. The God, beheld, will not speak. Asked for a messenger, Aiwass appears. A. suspecting him, puts a ג on him; he blurs and becomes dirty and discrowned. A. takes wand; but this dissipates him. His real name she says is
חאדאני
(270=INRI) A. uses
A.'s intuition tells her that he is genuine. As to our relations, he wishes us to work together (A contradiction very supra) "I do not wish you to go too far in work with S[carlet] W[oman]. She will dazzle you and be apt to lead you astray. You must always remain as armed when you work with her, as a man in full armour. I could wish you to strengthen the link between you and A. on all planes. You are very needful to each other, and can only accomplish G[reat] W[ork] together. (This clearly OO. I take wand and curse him by Him whom he hath blasphemed, invoking, however A∴. The light becomes more brilliant. To V.N. it disappears here. Voice continues: "You must go and do a G[reat] R[etirement] after which you shall get a sign" (Clearly due to A. knowing my wish; but he is clumsy. Will anything now convince A? I take serious measures to banish all but A∴. Voice silenced: and she doubts if voice is from brilliance. A. feels me absolutely necessary for her. I not. Voice is from her so cannot be banished and it goes on:) "There shall be a short period of work? not? done in actual unison; after which your powers join irrevocably together. There is no escape from that; you are bound to work together; and the fitting time and hour for this shall come simultaneously to you both. There will then be no doubt in either of your minds: there will be no obstacle to this unison ... you must look towards this time and towards a beacon light. Never lose sight of that. You and O.M. [Crowley] will meet with subtle temptation from this object—promises of great power and illumination; but heed them not. A. is your true helper from whom you have right to look and demand help. You must never cease to demand this aid, and by your demand strengthen and aid your comrade. I your Guardian Angel tell you this."
(The falsity of all this patent more at the time than now—I foresaw what follows)
I ask for proof that he is Guardian Angel—it is clear that Voice and Brilliance are distinct. A. however feels that this rigmarole is true. Hence we discuss our relations and the Great Invocation degenerates. This however is checked by my will and her own feeling that we have done enough for honour. I am not exhausted after all this, as I was yesterday. Is this a proof that all is Right Magic, or that little force was expended? Where am I, in fact. O Holy Exhalted One, do Thou illuminate my mind!
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entered
.
Opened T∴
with A∴I∴
[Augoeides Invocation]
asking for special aid in—what follows. Possible [. . .]
spoilt it all. A. [
and shrivels him to a black charred mass. I ask her to
invoke something genuine; a white figure without a face and
with little shape mounts throne. It has a glittering rayed
corona. Says: "I am the God of Vengeance. I am thy Guardian
Angel. I would have thee seek thine own soul in silence and
alone. Take no aid with thee: take no mortal soul but retire
away and depart from mankind."
ג
makes him brighter: he grows firmer. Repeated, form vanished
and only brightness remains. Asked for a sign or his name
ח
is written on throne. "I will give no other signs: you must
learn to trust your own intuition."