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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Wednesday, 10 October 1906
I am still drunk with samadhi all day. ***NOTE*** Curious observation S.D. looks like a symbol Curious feeling that one has a foreign body in one's mouth. Enough, these are all dog-faced demons. I will see Adonai.
Bus!
S.D. is A. This from fancied personal resemblances. Fear of fascination by drug. Extraordinary fits of laughter. Every thought (each is a definite symbolic picture) is instantly followed by a criticism (also pictured). Sometimes the criticism is so severe that it becomes a primary thought—hence inattention. When a thought is weak or unbalanced, the current of thought is changed. Hence strong thoughts are wanted.
In morning. Memory very good. Remember striking realization of unreality of things in room etc. Remember how very close to samadhi the ritual brought me: perhaps even the control of the drug that arose and forced me to bed, plus my fear of the shock of Rose's [Rose Kelly] anticipated coming up to bed, operated to stop me. For in the "Thanksgiving and sacrifice for S.D." I did get rid of everything but the Holy Exalted One, and must have held Him for a minute or two. I did. I am sure I did. I expected Rose to see a Halo round my head.
But the hashish enthusiasm surged up against the ritual-enthusiasm; so I hardly know which phenomena to attribute to which.
Noticed at the time that S.D. made A\ enthusiasm possible; was \ good. Yet I would not pray for one more Kiss having already had my deserts. The more I think of it the more I am sure that I got into samadhi. (somehow) not like a human at all.
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