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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Thursday, 27 December 1906
Back to Town. Broke down myself.
Appear to have got into the Fruit of which Jones' [George Cecil Jones] "Hail! All Hail!" was the Blossom. In short, recognizing that I am He in the same way that I recognize "Snow is white"—not arguing it, nor announcing it triumphantly. I acted on that basis without self-consciousness, and wrote various letters.
Later; viz, at 6.0 p.m. I took a very small dose of Hashish—say 1 1/2???-2 gr. on a by no means empty stomach.
The introspection seems awakened at once; owing, maybe, to expectation.
Use all means to invoke A\ (possibly even masturbation—if such an act is physically possible ??? —as a means).
7.0 - 8.15. There is no link to bind together the thoughts (of the second order—( thoughts)—since they are only like letters of words not (apparently) interconnected. (Usual phenomena.) With practice this game could be made useful (e.g. to work out a psychological system). Each battery goes through a whole battery of critics; it is "analyzed" (in time, I was thinking of Wells' analyzed sounds in The New Accelerator.)
Also there seems several main individuals or strata of thought (delusion of triple personality etc.). They have (or may have?) different time-rates.
(One sees at it were an officer running forward to reform a shake set of thoughts, or to order new evolutions.)
8.15. I went to bed about now and tried hard to masturbate, without success. The first time I failed from fear; the second time I know not why; the third time I was under the delusion that I had come.
The "millions of words" game—the peacock multiform with each "eye" of its fan a mirror of glory wherein also another peacock—everything thus.
(Here consciousness has no longer any knowledge of normal impression. Each thought is itself, visualized as a World-Peacock—such seems to me the interpretation of above.)
1.20. A.M. Head still buzzing; wrote above. Samadhi is Hashish, an ye will; but Hashish is not samadhi. (It's a low form this atmadarshana.)
(I don't, and didn't, quite understand this. I think it means that only an Adept can use Hashish to excite samadhi; or else that Hashish is the evil and averse S[amadhi].)
The Introspection Phenomena.
The Picture-Ideas (sanna
thoughts)
(Just as I might make an A of dots, scratches, etc and when finished fling it forth a visible "A.") Others too have other functions—there's a whole crowd of us all organized.
What puzzles is the vast number of thoughts required to make one physical thought. Bound to believe in simplicity behind. ??? Why? Mathematical truths are absurd; they belong to the unanalyzed brain, for one thing: and, for another, they represent relations between units of that row—no more. Thus the Universal Peacock is One.
(I prefer a different view. The Sanna thoughts not nearer but further than the physical; not radiating from the Ego, but converging upon it. This is an argument against Hashish, and does not suggest that further progress would bring one to a higher rank. The various individuals are on this view rather arch-demons.)—A good deal this on introspection.
Oh for a memory—in flesh to tell people about this; in spirit to bind together and organize the analyzed thoughts, so that one's consciousness should normally observe the second rank crowd. This is (would be) constant ecstasy, but the actions of the man (would) go on as usual, and it is only a certain instinct in one's hearer if they perceive that one is not oneself. This time no sickness—slight physical drunkenness—very slight. Must try in presence of Jones and Fuller [J.F.C. Fuller] with Jewell [L.C.R. Duncombe-Jewell] concealed to take notes. The earlier very rapid things all escape record. It is 1.40 A.M. I am practically sober.
8.30 A.M. Introspection still quickened.
9.45 A.M. One has only to think hard to get back to the World of Thoughts.
N.B. The dose was a shade too large—not much. There was no sense of being overpowered.
Began formula. It was an awful pang to reply "The Flapper" to "Who is Lola [Vera Snepp]?" and really very difficult to do it without using a tone of voice of a lying nature. Got a sort of vision of the Gate of 10º = 1o. Self as a mage in his circle breaking it down and the universe rushing in—all the lions and dragons [. . .] symbols and vanishing as they came.
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This is like the letter A in the word or idea "cat."
converging to form an "a" and so on. This disconnected
second rank are very numerous. There are many ranks of
thought (are these the Sephiroth?). The consciousness moves
backwards and forwards, outwards and inwards. Each rank is
of course observed by the one next to it inwards, or else by
the Analyzer. There's an "Intelligence" (among the
Hierarchies of me) who suddenly draws lines round groups of
second rank ideas and labels them "candle," "ant," etc.
front rank men, getting them off as a whole.