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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Tuesday, 12 October 1915
Oct. 12 [1915]. 1:05 A.M.
You have awakened my virility, Hilarion [Jeanne Foster], to the full; a wonderful and serious event.
I am just come out of a dream. I was supposed to be in the country somewhere providing an alibi, and had stolen up to town for an evening. There were Harré, Raynes [?], somebody I've forgotten who lived with Harré, and one or two others. There was you also, but your name was Miss Lelang or Lalaing, and you were a student artist. I think you had gone home early. Anyhow, I too went, not very late, after certain manoeuvres. (? There was some girl there with whom I wanted to be alone, but I can't remember who, how, or why?)
In any case, I found myself on a grassy hill, which was the west side of the Butte Montmarte, and also a University, and I had to walk round to the south side to get to 56th St. where you lived. For I wished to make a last effort to see you. But I only decided this because I went to sleep "for a moment" on the grass and waking found it was 9:30 A.M. (I wondered why it was so light. The girls were going to market and students to the University and so on.) I had on by this time my blue and gold magic robe, and my C[ambridge] U[niversity] academicals, which I put on over the robe to hide it.
At your home the landlady swore you had gone; but I refused to believe it so silently and so forcefully that she suddenly changed her mind, took me upstairs, and knocked.
You flung the door open. You had a loose nightdress on, and your hair was down. Your first impulse was to shut the door, but you were afraid (I think) and I have little chance for I came in with determination.
On the bed sad Sidney Carlisle (Doris' [Doris Gomez] worm husband) with some thin brown sack-like thing on; under it I could see an enormous ɸ in erection—at least 18 inches long. Behind the door Neuburg [Victor B. Neuburg], or Lapére, or a mixture of the two, was squatting on the floor.
It was of course evident that you were the last word in horror. I said "All right; I accept the situation and I'll show you." I caught you in my arms, and we began to dance voluptuously, madly, our mouths locked. S. C. [Sidney Carlisle] used his ɸ as a violin, with some curious object (I can't remember exactly what) as a bow, while Neuburg chanted a mantra. The dance got madder and faster. Bye and Bye I threw you down tempestuously on the bed B, and thrust my head where it is happiest. Then after awhile I camp up and began to make love to you in the usual way.
I woke, finding myself about to end, and believing the dream to be true, I summoned all my strength.
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