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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Sunday, 22 April 1917
The body is cautious—fire, etc.—because its heredity has so taught it. (Possibly man the animal becomes more cowardly every generation. Think of the primitive man hunting the aurochs—and the modern American!) But soul has no fear, nor can have. Therefore a man’s courage depends on the quantity of soul available. So the most spiritual men are the most courageous. (Language confines: “spirited.”)
12:45. I have been doubting of late. Events have been terrible—hopeless. Now I came in meditation to a thought concerning Mercury as an healer—and I laughed, crying “But I am Mercury! Mercurius sum!” With this came a flash that something more was meant. The ecstasy gave place to a rapid calculation; and lo! HERMES EIMI = 418!!!
1:05. It was an error to proceed. I wanted the Highest—the Knowledge and Conversation of my Holy Guardian Angel—I said “Let me not etc. let from the illusions.” Then said mine Holy Guardian Angel unto me: “You’ve had the Vision of the Universal Beauty—and what good has it done you?” I am still frustrated by this supreme skepticism from that Supreme Quarter. I must simply go on—down the Precipice!
1:10. I have an idea for a story of an old English lady who notices eyeholes in a skull as offering no resistance to a narrow sharp instrument, and then kills a Prussian with her crochet-hook in the same way.
1:22. The answer to the 1:05 equation is that I am the Universal Beauty—and I know it. Alas, I am this, that—everything. The “I am I” formula is not merely “wicked,” it’s the Restriction of the Predicate that makes it so idiotic. The Word of Sin is Restriction. Any time you think you are not any thing, that’s restriction. This is the same as the “duality” argument, put another way. O how clear is my mind. Aum tat sva ha.
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