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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Monday, 12 January 1920
[I Ching Hexagram] XXXV. Advance—a good day to look for a house. I did so, but drew and painted most of the time.
I have been thinking (an error!) of my 31 Chokmah Days, I am not now to shut up completely, thus using the Fourth Power of the Sphinx. I am not ‘abandoning’ the Work, as I tried to do in New Orleans, to my eternal shame. It became physically impossible for me to get out No. 3 of Equinox III even by total ‘sacrifice’, So all things have pointed to a real Silence, only to be broken by the Demand of Humanity. I am not bound to the A∴A∴ as to dates of publication; The Equinox was my own device—and rather a poor one.
I am inclined to make my Silence include all forms of personal work, and this is very hard to give up, if only because I am still afraid of ‘failure,’ which is absurd. I ought evidently to be non-attached, even to Avoiding-The-Woes-Attendant-Upon-Refusing-The-Curse-Of-My-Grade if I may be pardoned the expression.
Any why should I leave my Efficacious Tortoise[1] and look at people till my lower jaw hangs down? Shall I see what the Yi [King] says? Ay. Question—Shall I abandon all magical Work soever until the appearance of a manifest sign? Answer, Hexagram LII. No symbol could be more definite and unambiguous.
I had invoked Aiwaz to manipulate the sticks; and, wishing to ask ‘What shall be the Sign?’ got instantly the reference in CCXX to our Lady Babalon, [namely] ‘The omnipresence of my body’. But this is not quite clear; I took it mentally as referring to the expected arrival of Our Lady, but it might mean a trance, or almost anything. So I will ask Yi, as my last magical act for the time being.
[Yi King Hexagram XXXVI] I think this means the arrival of Our Lady; I have serious doubts whether the hexagram should not have been hexagram XI which would have certainly meant that. That I should doubt anything is absurd; I shall know the Sign without fail. And herewith I close the Record and await that Sign.
1—[‘You leave your efficacious tortoise, and look at me till your lower jaw hangs down.’ James Legge, The Yi King, page 114.]
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