|
Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Friday, 12 March 1920
I think Courtier's lunch upset me. I had a sort of indigestion and pain in the back all Thursday evening and all Friday. There was a depression—especially sexual. I did no drawing at night on Thursday and went straight off to sleep. In the morning I had a preliminary game with Beauty [Ninette Shumway]. This evening I felt better, and I did some retouching to pictures in the afternoon. I had a particularly good dinner. I had a Mandarin and a fair amount of the 50-year-old Courvoisier. But I found myself quite unable to draw; and when, following my preconceived plan, I began the Operation of the Gnosis[1] with the object of recovering my Dhatus,[2] I could awake no enthusiasm either in myself or in the Graal-bearer.[3] I appealed to Ethel [Ether]. Beauty had a perfectly gorgeous time, going quite crazy again and again—
‘And all that I regret,' said he, ‘Is that it cannot speak.’
Partly because this aroused my sense of protecting Beauty, and partly because I was jealous of Ethel [Ether], I couldn't get good results. My time-sense went wrong, though, about 50% or more. We were two hours at play; I might have guessed forty minutes.
1—[The Sovereign Sanctuary of the Gnosis comprises the three degrees involving sexual magic.] 2—[In this context, one’s faculties.] 3—[The Scarlet Woman. In this case, Ninette Shumway.]
|