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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Wednesday, 21 April 1920
1.15 a.m. All's quiet in the Shipka Pass, and a fine rainy morning! Next, please! Let's all live up to—'Never dull where Crowley is'.
8.30 a.m. Breakfast. As the historian will remark—'From the first, things prospered in the little colony'.
9.30 a.m. Leah [Leah Hirsig] has quite lost her grip; her jealousy is making her nearly insane. It is obviously waste of time to copulate with a jealous woman; she regards it as a right, not a favour. Worse, it feeds the fires. Is my penis Empedocles, that he should do this thing?
1.15 p.m. We are desperate about Poupée. I never liked that 'diminution' symbol, and she is literally wasting away. She can't digest any food. I'm very much afraid of the approach of her Sun to the opposition of Mars, and he is in radical opposition to Saturn who is retrograde in Virgo, for wasting of the bowels. If she could live over next week when Sun 7° Taurus opposes Mars 7° Scorpio she might do all right. But Moon is conjoined with Saturn on that fatal 27th. The one hope is in the trine of Jupiter to the Lord of her Ascendant.
I have been howling like a mad creature nearly all day. I want my epitaph to be 'Half a woman made with half a god'. It is not My Will to save my baby's life. What is 'mine'? Not to save all the babies in the world, as I should do if I started to save one. My Will is to be the Logos of the Aeon; I am Thelema. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. Beyond that, I am more helpless than the veriest quack magician.
I asked the Yi, by the way, for the issue of Poupée's present illness, and got which might well mean release from Earth.
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