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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Sunday, 27 June 1920
3.00 a.m. Awake from a long dream which seems a repetition, varied but little, from one or more previous dreams. I am in some place with Leah [Leah Hirsig] whom I reproach for sleeping, and for being pious or conscientious or something, when we might have talked all night. The conversation thus missed appears most strangely fascinating and delicious.
During the night, however, there are dogs, several of them, various breeds. One, e.g. is a tiny toy dog. (I think the former is really the cat at the Maison Dortée who snuggles in my armpit at my meals; it's her colours). Leah is somehow to blame for our not getting all we want-what that is being not clear—from these dogs. The dream is far from lucid, but I recall it as very intense.
12.15 p.m. A certain recent operation of Magick has aroused my Kundalini beyond all measure, until I wonder if 31 etc. be not the true 13 x 12 vesica or Gate of Capricornus-Scorpio, which, by the way, unites the guttural and nasal gods, and gives the name ShTN, South plus North, combining all the Processes of Going.
It's remarkable that LAH should be a Temurah of ALH, and this the 36 or square of 6, or 31 plus the feminine 5. A is the Fool, etc.; L, Justice; the Babe in the Womb, and the Spirit Lover, with Venus—Justice—satisfied of Sword and Scales; while His the Star Nuith.
We called our child ANU LEAH which adds to 93 in 6 letters. (I didn't make this up in advance by intent.) She is a Wandering Star. Well, I haven't got my own name right yet; there's something in Crowley, de Querouaville, de Kerval, if I could trace the original form. The 'Ker' is honorific; is 'Wal' for 'val'? at least there's the AL ending. KR is a root implying horns, I think, in Latin, Greek and Sanskrit. However, this is no odds now: the point is: Have I been a blind bat, and is 31-666-31 [Leah Hirsig] the heroine of CCXX? The Yi [Ching] gives 5 as her present general symbol. It is Hsii, Luna of Phallus. 'Waiting' is very characteristic of her patient, her impregnable soul. Line 1—'distant border' might be Nuith's Body. Line 2—'Sand'—Nuith's Stars. Line 3—'Mad'—her Gold. Line 4—'Blood'-her chief symbol in so many ways. Line 5—'Banquet'—obscure, perhaps concerns the future. Line 6—'Three guests'—ditto, ditto. It sounds like Yes; certainly the complete symbol reads like S[carlet] W[oman]. What does Thelema say? CCXX, I, 58: 'I give unimaginable joys on Earth.' She does, indeed; I remember nothing in all my life like the 'Vision' in Panormus:1 the Tortured-Ecstasy of the contorted face, the writhing of the hag-body that ground down its beast, the storm of lust and pain and madness. It was Night's Hollow wrenching at her captive Dragon, whose blood was seed of blind and furious stars. She was like Hecate in a death-dance, Satan-possessed, convulsive, pumping my life, body and soul, as 'twere a Python in his agony. She certainly gave me what I've been losing. Youth's intensity, its craving, the soul-priapism, huge lust and fierce to her, clamour for her to realize with me that mightiest marriage-dream, that Sacrament of Satan that may be consummated only beneath Night's dome, in utmost silence, because its Elements are not symbols of things, but They themselves.
Talking of sacraments and symbols I wonder, by the way, how people ever hoped to cheat the gods by using symbols: did they think paper money would weigh like gold? No wonder Magick fell into discredit, when chopped dry twigs nor budded nor turned into serpents! When for God's Blood they filled the Graal with wine, cowardice followed filial to their falsehood, and used grapejuice; or ape-instinct, sure of applause from woman, staged the sacrifice, lavish of toast-and-water.
(I digress—bad habit I'm getting. My mastery of analysis is to blame. Each thought is an explosion. I've invented a gas-engine, a rotary that shall solve the problem of Flight for man's earth-bound spirit; but I must control the explosions. Perhaps a severe verse-form? Well, to business.)
What is the general symbol of the Magical Operation I proposed to Alostrael [Leah Hirsig] during the Pan-Seth invocation in Panormus [Palermo]? [I Ching Hexagram] XXI, Shih Ho. Naturally so: sounds like trouble to follow, though.
What should be its object? [I Ching] Hexagram LV, Abundance, etc.
What its magical result to the Law? [I Ching] Hexagram I! (I've thought this often.) Then it must indeed be done.
What its material result to the Magus and the Enchantress? [I Ching Hexagram] XXIII, K[teis] of Fire. Returning. Freedom from distress-violent renewal of passion.
Where do it? (? from Tunis) South-West. (Might also mean just Air, and Tunis is open to the East and North East.)
What sort of place? The Earth: the belly: a house. (The desert, I should think.)
How? (By the force of gravitation, evidently.)
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