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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Monday, 6 March 1922
PARABASIS
11.30 P.M. Lea [Leah Hirsig] left last night for London. Awake till after 6 A.M. Then deep sleep (after much Noctyl) till 2 P.M. when Bourcier woke me with difficulty. Heroin and a little Cocaine. Vomited just before dinner.
This whole period since my return to Paris can be summarized "From Bad to Worse". Lea is a violent spiritual poison to me. We love deeply and truly; we sympathize; we do all we can to help each other: but we act on each other like cancer. It’s the formula of the independent growth in One Flesh. Already I feel a new man; I have recovered my interest in life and work; I even have the direct sensation that I am "cured". I wrote to Dr. Edmund Cros last night, telling him the whole story and asking him to call and find a sanatorium for me where I can direct my own treatment. To submit to medical treatment would be to destroy my whole theory, and blaspheme the Gods whose chosen minister I am.
I have been morally paralyzed by Leah’s presence. I will now begin a new diary describing the completion of my mastery of myself in the matter of heroin and cocaine.
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