Aleister Crowley Diary Entry

Monday, 26 March 1923

 

 

Slept from 11 or so with heavy sweats at first—till 10.30—Woke feeling rotten, but not quite so much as usual.

     

2 [doses] [Heroin].

     

10.50 Feel better. Temp 96°8.

     

(5) 4Q; QAS.

     

11.10 [Heroin].

     

11.40 2 [doses] [Heroin]. That is 5 in all before noon: I think that will make the equilibrium : let me now see when exactly the trouble begins. I am quite sure, by the way, that a single dose of [Cocaine] is of marvellous efficacy and virtue: but the temptation to on to about 8 doses, which produces a toxic condition demanding [Heroin] is so strong that I cannot but think it unwise to use this method. When I am well again, I will make a point of mastering myself in this matter of taking 1 [dose] [Cocaine] and no more in any 24 hours. I am sure that the [Cocaine] of Friday and Saturday last helped me to the splendid motion of Saturday morning; but the excess produced a straining of the bowels that caused the alarming motion of Sunday A.M.

     

1.30 Fish, toast, milk, orange 2 Q 1 QAS.

     

2.30 Pains in abdomen—perhaps from lack [Heroin]. Walk to ruined church—very tiring.

     

3.30 Tea, biscuits (6).

     

3.50 More pains: [Heroin].

     

3.55 An excellent motion: the pains were probably due to the imminence thereof.

     

5.15 Have retired to bed, after quite suddenly feeling "all better", and starting to paint a little panel. Temp 96°8.

     

6.0 A definitely uneasy feeling which I ascribe to lack of [Heroin]. 1/2 Luminal.

     

6.50 [Heroin] (7) chiefly so as not to overstrain myself. I could have held out indefinitely. It worked wonderfully well in waking me up. It seems that I begin to recover my "virginity" from the very moment I begin restriction.

     

7.50 Buggered eggs, toast, chocolate, oranges. 4Q 1/33 AS L at 7.30 enema of warm boiled water—highly satisfactory results.

     

(8) 8.30 [Heroin] (s.f.) Not to be too sudden: and now rather than later on account of going to sleep.

     

9.0 I am very sleepy—have been, in fact, off and on since 4. The trouble is that if I try to sleep, I become wakeful. I attribute this state almost entirely to [Heroin]. I shall try 1/2 L[uminal], thought the temptation to take a 9th [dose of] [Heroin] and work a little more is very strong:

     

10 P.M. will be the hour. (Yes: (8 1.2) but in that case I need a very mild [dose of] [Heroin] to go on with).

     

11.45 Woke (from (9) a 3/4 sleep and a mild sweat) 1/2 [dose of] [Heroin] in case 'twas lack that woke, or might wake during the night.

 

 

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