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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Friday, 30 March 1923
1.50 A.M.
Woke from very deep sleep and dream. Sweating very heavily:
rubbed very thoroughly: changed clothes. (1)
9.20 A.M. Woke. Coffee. Good
motion at 9.50.
11.0. Temp 98.0. Up and out. Very
weak and disinclined to move. Can hardly read (3)
2.45
5.10 Have been painting with 3 [doses] 166 [Cocaine]. Feel well. Good natural motion.
5.45 11 drops Laudanum.
6.45 Feeble: can't work. Temp
98.6. I think the Laudanum is working wonders (6)
7.10 10 drops Laud[anum].
8.45 Have stuck it out somehow till now—6 hours sq. This puts me absolutely right, morally, mentally, and physically in a few minutes: there can be no doubt that privation has been responsible for the whole of today's little miseries. The question is: how far has there been a gain of elimination over accumulation?
10.30 Abdominal pains—12 [drops] Laud[anum]. Read Anatole France till midnight.
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[Heroin] (large). In the absence of definite measures, I
suspect myself of increasing the size of doses. So far,
there have been few symptoms of abstention: only two or
three bouts of sneezing, and the specific smell once. This
last is (I believe) the one true sign—a discovery well worth
all my pains, if so. It seems reasonable to suppose that
this smell is due to a definite compound formed during the
process of the elimination of the drug-products; thus it
does not depend upon the vague conditions which give rise to diarrhoea, dyspnoea, sneezing, sweating, etc. These
obviously vary with the other variables of the patient. The
appearance of this compound then denotes a stage of
abstention as recognizable as putrefaction in a treated
tooth after killing the nerve—a delicate and reliable test.
It should show the actual state of privation, quite apart
from any 'craving'. E.g. one might 'crave' after 6 hours,
although well stocked with reserves: in this case, no smell.
Per contra, on the way to complete elimination, one might be
quite comfortable after a full dose, yet the smell be
present. Eureka! and it is up to me to watch that smell. How
does it develop as elimination proceeds? Is it associated
with any other symptoms? Finally, where does its appearance
stand on the way to complete freedom?