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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Sunday, 1 April 1923
12.0.
Adoration to Khephra! Well, I've done it—and a devilish hard
job it was. And what a price! I dare not think of what today
will be like!
Essay contd. [continued from 31 March 1923] violently to compact clusters of few, similar, sharply-defined Stars, revolving round themselves at the utmost possible distance from all other galaxies. Chemically, the grossest elements are those of the lowest valency, combining most eagerly with similar elements, and refusing to combine (unless under great pressure, and then reluctantly and unstably) with unsympathetic or complex elements. E.g. H is univalent, combine explosively with Cl (also univalent) and O, forms no compounds with Na, Au, etc, is readily thrown out from PM3, CH4, acids and alkaloids. On the contrary, C, tetravalent, unites violently only with O (and that not so violently as H2 plus O) but while refusing to combine directly with most elements, makes itself the nucleus of numberless complex radicles which accept nearly all elements to form elaborate and stable yet elastic compounds of infinitely varied properties of the subtlest order—therapeutic, electric, optical, organic, even psychic! H is very much "itself" with strong simple narrow, well-defined passions: C prefers to find itself in lending itself to all the other elements, without insisting upon asserting its own peculiar properties in its compounds, as H does by forming strong acids and alkalies, themselves almost equally eager to contract passionate unions.
The compounds of H form well-defined groups with similar properties, few and bigotedly exclusive. They repel the unsuitable as vigorously as they crave the sympathetic. They soon come to the end of the possibilities of "love under will": after H plus C1=HC1, 2HC1 plus K20=2KCL plus H20, the imagination of H can go no further. But C makes each act of love under will a step to something bigger. Thus CH4 suggests a whole series CnH2nH2; and protoplasm is merely the Prima Materia of the infinitely diverse Alchemy of Life. Even CO2, at first sight a complete fulfilment of one possibility, a blind alley (so to speak) is taken up again later as a sort of Engine of Perpetual Motion, constantly dissociated and reformed in the Breath of Animal and Vegetable Life. One may then estimate the excellence of a Star by observing the following characteristics of its nature: (1) The number and diversity of the Ideas with which it is in relation. (2) The strength of its devotion to all, yet of its indifference to each. (3) The Vision of those ideas which it has not yet grasped, and its eagerness to realize that Vision. (4) Its conception of Self. (5) Its choice of position, balanced between other galaxies, so that the deflection of Light due to gravitation may be compensated as well as possible. (6) Is power to increase M to the utmost in O= plus M plus (-M) without ever forgetting that M (or any part thereof) exists only in imagination by virtue of -M(or -m). (7) Its ability to continue the process of Self-development by love under will thus: ((S=itself -S=Not-Self plus S plus (-S)=0=Nuit)) plus S plus m>S plus m pl.m.> plus M pl (-S)pl(-M)=0.
S constantly grows by accepting -S as part of itself, by adding (imaginary) ideas to itself, their sum being 0, and its own maximum and only truth being also 0. When its mass is 0, it no longer deflects Light. Note that Nuit is a Continuum, containing all possibilities, real. irrational, fractional, incommensurable, etc. These cannot be arranged in an ordered series by numerical value, or any other device. Each symbol is a thing-in-itself. There is however an infinite number of ways or choosing series which shall possess any properties that we please, and whose numbers shall be interpreted as we like. Each Star is itself represented by a symbol in the Continuum, and possesses therefore a natural affinity for certain cognate symbols. E.g. let my Star be called sin 0/π, I shall be interested in, and have some faculty for understanding, (a) all triangular ratios, especially sines (b) all functions of 0 (c) all properties of circles and other relations connected with π. A man whose symbol is 7/11 will live in a totally different universe (to him) from one whose formula is a plus sq. rt. of -1.
Another point is that all symbols are alike in the eyes of the Continuum, since it is indifferent where one starts to count. They differ only in relation to one another. Thus a, b, c: we can say a precedes b, b separates a from c and so on; but to the circle it is equally true that b precedes a, that c separates a and b, or a separates b and c. Nuff said.
2.0 A.M. Let me repose awhile!
2.2 A.M.! (Oh hell!)
An analogy (rather bold) in Chemistry. The elements are very different whether polymers of some Hyle or no. But to the spectroscope each is a peculiarly refracted ray. To white light, therefore, they none of them exist save as an analytical index, white light having resolved to differentiate itself in order to appreciate its nature. They are all equally illusions, being expressions of imperfection, therefore of falsehood (provided that Truth and Perfection exist, as in this case they do ex hypothesi). Here again, then, we have divers positive phenomena, real enough to each other, yet mere arbitrary symbols in the eyes of the complete Idea. Yet this Idea (because it is complete) is devoid of all quality, thus really a negation and unmanifest. Light is only visible when it falls upon objects which destroy its true nature. Even pure white Light could not be perceived unless differentiated from itself.
A yet simpler illustration! Triangles may be either equilateral, isoceles, or scalene; acute, obtuse, or right-angled. The Idea of a Triangle cannot therefore be represented by any possible particular triangle. Now each such triangle may be compared with any other; and the differences appear real and important, while the similarity is simply that both are triangles, just as a negro king and a Chinese coolie differ in nearly all respects, yet both are men. To The Idea of a Triangle, however, all these possible triangles appear otherwise. Their one similarity is that they are not representations of The Idea, though each complies with the definition and may therefore claim to be a part of the Whole. The differences between them—all-important to themselves, since the fact that they are triangles is assumed and ignored—are however of no account in the eyes of The Idea of a Triangle; for these differences have nothing whatever to do with The Idea at all. Contemplating them all together, The Idea seems then as partial projections—phantoms imagined by Itself in order to see that It would look like in variously restricted conditions. And the least real quality in any of them is its "individuality"! again, algebraically, suppose the Universe, X=0 Now X cannot realize itself by simply contemplating Zero as such. It might mean anything or nothing, and there is nothing with which to compare it, or by which to measure it. It decides, therefore, to imagine itself as (M-M), while m, plus m2 plus———plus mn=M. He can then write (m,pl m3-m2-m4) plus (m2plus m4-m1-m3) plus. . . . . (or any other rearrangement) = 0. In this expression no term will have any real value or existence; each can appear to be what X pleases; the only restriction is that it must be compensated elsewhere. But the whole expression will be One of the infinite number of possible ways of giving a just though imaginary meaning to Zero, and therefore to X itself. That part of the expression whose effect is to equate the whole to Zero; if we did, we should understand the phantasmal character of things, and also that their totality represents one of the possible forms which might give a partial and imperfect illustration of the Formless Whole, just as any actual triangle does of The Idea of a Triangle.
3.50 This Essay must count as Ment
[?]—I'll take a day off the fight.
5.0. 10 [drops] Laud[anum]. Rum. (3).
12.0. Woke—feeling not so bad as I might have been.
12.10.
1.30 Lunch.
3.0. Up 15 [drops] Laud[anum].
4.0. 15 [drops] Laud[anum].
5.35
6.0. Good solid motion.
6.30 Bed: feel extra good. No
doubt that
7.12 12 [drops] Laud[anum].
7.50 There is no a wish for
8.10 Ugh! Having asked for kedgeree for supper, I was put off with a perfectly tasteless flat cake of codfish and potato. I am now well enough to punish such crimes, not indeed with proper severity—which would involve the use of sulphuric acid, centipedes, eyelid-clippers, red-hot corkcrews, tetanus germs and similar apparatus—but with the dignified expression of my sovereign displeasure, majestical phrases of reproach, appeals to the better feelings of the callous culprit, and menaces of the vengeance of Almighty God both in this world and the next. I trust that my unexampled and perhaps imprudent clemency may be productive of sincere remorse in its acutest form, copious tears, humble and hearty penitence, and a resolute resolve never again to incur the just wrath of so merciful a Magician.
8.50 I feel A.1. yet want
10.30 17 [drops] Laud[anum]. Temp. 98.5.
11.45 Dyspnoea beginning. 10 [drops] Laud[anum]. Also Ethel [Ether] till 12.0.
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[Heroin] (1)
[Cocaine] is an error.