Aleister Crowley Diary Entry

Tuesday, 3 April 1923

12.0. [Heroin]. Waited up for this (1), simply on account of that 5.10 A.M. yesterday.

12.20 Note on Collect XI (see essay above). On getting rid of my present apparatus of perception at death, I am free to invent any new kind I like—that is, save as I am bound by my Karma to follow my orbit without a jump. It is a very difficult question: but I suppose that I find myself without effort (I have no means of making any) awakening to the consciousness which naturally carries out my previous course———? All this is beset with too much obscurities—for this time o' night! Let me sleep!

2.50 Woke in heavy sweat: changed, rubbed etc.

3.5. Dyspnoea. 11 [drops] Laud[anum]. Good motion about 10. Slept well till 9.30; felt no real need [Heroin].

1.0. Dozed and slept till 12.30: still no desire for h [Heroin]: rather a repulsion.

2.0. Lunch took (2) [Heroin].

3.30 Feeling very bad now despite [Cocaine]. [Heroin] as AGLA is Ateh and perhaps ADNI is Ateh Din. (3) Nesethrah [?] Tetragrammaton—To Thee the Secret Judgement, o Jahveh! AHIH Ateh Hod Tetragrammaton Ha-Qadosh—To Thee the Splendour, o Jahveh the Holy One!

7.0. [Cocaine] to help out: (4) after a bit was able to write a long letter. [Heroin] to steady [Cocaine]. Will try (5) between 9 and 10 and seek sleep at once.

8.0 Very snow [Cocaine]-irritable: keen to work on CCXX: must chance a [Heroin] to do so (5). I worship Hadit. [Heroin]. Hadit appears on the spot! I find AIWASS of Six letters: A1 plus 10 plus 6 plus 1 plus 200 plus 200 = 418!

9.55 Have been eagerly Qabaling: now rather tired.

11. Laud[anum].

11.40 15 [drops] Laud[anum] to try to avoid the midnight [Heroin].

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