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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Saturday, 26 May 1923
Die Saturn
1.21 p.m. Worked till after midnight: a rather valuable piece of work, including one perfectly frightful glimpse of Reality—a corner lifted of the veil for the first time in my life in that particular way. I have now no idea at all of what I saw, or indeed of quite what I mean by the entry: it is something of a nature altogether new to me. Hitherto I have always been able to make some sort of a shot at giving intelligible expression to my experiences. Probably the word ‘frightful’ is equivalent to ‘ignotus’ but I remember asking myself at the time whether that comment might not be the optimism of Panic Fear. I have had several others, by the way, in the last fortnight that I can get whenever I choose to enter into an unexpected universe far deeper than anything yet shown by Samadhi: and I must confess to something very like the most godless FUNK whenever I approach the . . . turn. (I instantly pull myself together and swear to go on: but by that time the Veil is down again.) Stories like Kipling’s At the End of the Passage—yes, there are no doubt horrors which put Magdalen Blair [The Testament of Magdalen Blair] in a class with Sophia Western—every grade is encompassed with its own set, and each demands its own formula of initiation, to turn them into Beauty. I think tonight’s work has shewn me the task in hand: to complete the synthesis of myself as the Crowned and Conquering Child, born from the Abyss by Our Lady Babalon, but not yet come to puberty, the sense of the Ego as uniting the various impressions of childhood. When I do this—and not till then—shall be truly the Creative Energy that I have at present no more than all the symptoms of becoming.
Later continued the above meditation during day. Yes: this is the full meaning of COAGULA in ‘Solve et Coagula’ as the formula of the great work of initiation.
Kokgula = 525. Solfe = 311. 525 plus 311 = 836 = 2 x 41861
The task seems to me one of those that are theoretically impossible: that is, to accomplish consciously: one hardly sees indeed how to set about it. Yet it should be similar to that of finding the True Will by Sammasati. It may be the assimilation of the Will by the unconscious. I think the XI° to this end—combined with ‘Youth’ once more—should help.
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