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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Saturday, 2 June 1923
Die Saturn
12.12 a.m. I am so unreasonably light-hearted that I half wonder whether (as per the old Fear-superstition which haunts the damned souls who serve the Slave-gods). I shall not meet with some terrific misfortune in the next day or so, or get word of one having happened: or whether (as per the clear Innocent Joy of Us who reign with the Crowned and Conquering Child. I am secretly aware of some Event which will enable me to labour and laugh proclaiming the Law of Liberty, more fully and heartily than ever. Or whether the fact has no connection with anything beyond my cold having disappeared, the weather being better and such local causes for rejoicing.
4.17 a.m. (When I decided to write what follows, I found that the bulb, not shaken since I switched off the current an hour ago, was useless.)
I am now the storm centre, the main objective of the enemy offensive I am being directly attacked all along the Middle Pillar.
10) Physically by asthma, sleep-disturbances, rheumatism, etc.
9) They are at me again to give up Alostrael [Leah Hirsig], as a condition of my spiritual progress—understood, of course, not egoistically, but as related to the Great Work. They ask me to do this on credit: they don’t tempt me by offering a superior lydy-friend [sic].
6) They remind me of the magical advantages of the Romishrituals—tell me that I should be able at once to use for the Great Work all the accumulated and ordered energies of the cult. (They seem to think me very simple minded!)
(Daäth) They are trying to disintegrate my intellectual apparatus directly. See previous entries.
I consider all this serious enough to appeal to the Book of the Law for an oracle to meet the case. I get:
‘Now let it be first understood that I am a god of War and of Vengeance. I shall deal hardly with them’.
Good! I shall simply work my bloody guns—‘Ra Hoor Khu is with thee! ‘My one and only precaution will be not to allow my fear of the result to influence my actions in any way.
1.35. Curiously enough, just before the above meditation I had added up ‘War Engine’. Fαρ Ευγιυη = 230 and done it wrong, as if R[ρ] were 200 and ‘short e’ were ‘long e’, thus making 333. I was quite Qabalah blind, to coin a term after ‘chess-blind’. But note Arēs = 309 = ēta and ShT, etc.
Later. I did a long meditation with Ethyl [Ether], seeing Death as a charming mischievously smiling dark Arab boy looking at me from between . . . blushes. I thought of him as growing up and becoming terrible: but reflected that a man of 30-40 is not terrible to me. And who wants an old man? thought I, meaning that I do not want to live beyond a reasonable age.
And then the meditation broaded
out, and I came suddenly to the conclusion that it was my
duty to [a diagram of three circles one above another] a
[drawing of a bird in a circle] to
Oh well! now I’m awake; it seems too big a job: anyhow so I thought last night, wondering whether I was not in this case already. However, to work.
11.59 p.m. Love is the Law, love under Will. 666.
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, the time to as the only man who ever had the
attitude capable of a paem [sic].