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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Tuesday, 5 June 1923
Die Mars
6. p.m. Went on with that letter to O.P.V. [Norman Mudd] till all hours—27 pp. Today I have been in bed till 5 o'clock, fearfully depressed about nothing.
11p.m. Pulling myself together, but still very tired &vaguely depressed.
11.44 p.m. I have been talking to Leah [Leah Hirsig] about my sexual life & comparing certain recent troubles with my refusal to climb the Alps after having been to Chogo Ri. It is an essential part of my character, & indeed the Master Key to my whole career, that I simply cannot do anything (however easy in appearance) which does not promise an achievement beyond anything I have ever attained before. Hence the tragedy of Hilarion [Jeanne Foster] broke my heart; Alostrael [Leah Hirsig] succeeded in mending it at last; & then the Gods smashed it by killing our babies. Their idea was doubtless to prevent me being distracted from my work as Logos. The result in any case has been to disenchant me with sex altogether. I can't even take interest in it on IX° & XI° grounds. . . . Well, the upshot is with them.
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