Aleister Crowley Diary Entry

Saturday, 15 September 1923

 

 

Die Saturn

 

1.31 a.m. Hagged [dictated The Confessions of Aleister Crowley] all p.m. yesterday. Thurs. & Fri. I slept from 11.30 around the clock: so I wasn’t sleepy last night & here I am again as bad as before.

     

Think I’ll ask Yi very seriously about [Heroin] & [Cocaine], (I begin to think C.[ocaine] is more Scorpio than Leo because of its power to give endurance, its treacherous voluptuousness, & its water quality of anaesthesia. Mars ruling Scorpio explains the energy.)

 

3.38 a.m. ‘Don’t tell a man what he knows already.’ (He is insulted.) Suggested letter to O.K. [Otto Kahn].

     

Do you recall your remark last summer in Bedford Sq[uare) that England had laws against libel, but America Not? Those laws protect the long purse, & I have given my last penny to my researches. My enemies agree on one point: my pre-eminence in Magick. Magick is the Science & Art of controlling nature. My discoveries are vitally important to mankind; they only need proper presentation. My known work is admittedly good: my best is too profound to suit publishers. It requires prolonged study & advanced scientific knowledge to understand my results. I dare not assign limits to the uses of the new knowledge I have won for man. I can produce a trustworthy expert witness [Norman Mudd] who can satisfy you on this point. See enclosed letter.

 

I am at the age when my work should attain its apogee; I see new triumphs almost within my grasp. But I am sick & without resources. Will you endow the Work?

 

     [Enclosed letter].

I am a Mathematical Scholar, Trinity, M.A. Cambridge & have been etc; Bloemfontein, S.A. etc., I resigned at Xmas for the reasons set forth below.

     

I have examined the published writings of A.C. thoroughly for over 13 years. They have convinced me of the value of his researches. I asked access to his unpublished Mss. & have studied them continuously since last April. The require extended study. Their contents (I can say even on my present knowledge) scientifically analysed & put in order, should prove of incalculable use to Science. They reveal truths, suggest theories, & indicate methods of research, capable in my judgment of solving certain critical problems of the moment, & of opening new paths of progress to mankind. I am ready to be examined by experts as to the actual value of his past & the potential value of his future work.

     

I have known A.C. for 4 years.

     

In May 22 he reached London with less than £10 in the world.

     

He had to produce a pot boiler or go under.

     

He wrote The Diary of a Drug Fiend in less than 28 days.

     

Its publication drew upon him the lying abuse of personal enemies who knew that he had no money to fight an action at law.

     

Without cause stated or accusation made he was exiled from his home, thus straining his resources to breaking point. He has been more or less sick since Jan[uary]: anxiety & privation added to overwork. During these months he has written over 500,000 words of his memoirs besides continuing his private research.

 

Lenin’s Week

Tunis Sept. 23 e.v.

 

Monday, I’m murdered: Tuesday I am booked

For a paralytic stroke: I die again

On Wednesday from my wounds: go insane

On Thursday: Friday? ah! my food is cooked

With Arsenic: On Saturday, Verftucht!

I marry: Sunday softening of the brain.

The week will not be wasted: yet I fain

Fancy there’s something I have overlooked.

 

What in the name of Marx? Have I to speak

Somewhere? or shoot myself? No, that’s next week

I’ll have to ask my wife-aha! that unlocks

My memory—where’s my note book, I must write

It down at once, or otherwise I might

Forget to ask her please to mend my socks.

 

1.40 p.m. What reminded me of the practical possibilities of Magick was the coincidence of my rational judgment of the meaning of some symbol with its intuitive value. The case was something like this; I had got enthusiastic over some idea which then appeared to me in symbolic form. This form was very vivid & beautiful but had one flaw. I could thus judge not only the perfection of my idea, but the importance which I attached to it, e.g. a thing of beauty & a joy forever might be symbolized by a starcluster or by a bank of flowers-according to its moral value to my mind.

 

7.0. p.m. Should Otto Kahn be approached to endow Magical Research? (Note CCXX III. 31. ‘There cometh a rich man from the West’, Finals would give E. Hahn. From the West = USA?)

     

[Similar speculation in a confused form on verso not reproduced here.]

     

[Question concerning man from the West:]

 

 

Water/Water

Tui [I Ching Hexagram] LVIII

 

Water is Binah, the Mother-Sea: might mean the menstruum in which the word can take form to make possible ‘let there be light.’ (Water = from the West.)

 

 

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