Aleister Crowley Diary Entry

Sunday, 16 September 1923

 

 

Die Sol

 

1.20 a.m. A medium good day yesterday, considering the sleepless Friday & Saturday. Before dinner I broke down dictating—the fag end of a dull chapter—the last, please Gawd! of the damned Hag [The Confessions of Aleister Crowley]!

     

Slept 9 to 1 & 2 to 4: it’s all bad, in theory: yet at Trinity [College, Cambridge] I worked till 4 or 5 every morning. I’m a hypochondriac! & yet—the fact of the C[ocaine] & H[eroin] & E[ther] is a fact, & . . . CCXX—I’ll ask the Yi [Yi King] very seriously about it all.

 

The SPIRIT of SOLITUDE.

 

1. Immune to troublous Thought, & Innocent

Of aught beyond the impulse of the hour,

I grew & throve a tall & slender flower

Reaching its forehead to the firmament

With pallid hues & faint elusive scent

Unconscious of the portent of the power

That slept within my soul till sun & shower

Should wake the Ineluctable Event.

I never scrutinized the lure of living

I knew not of reluctance or thanksgiving

I sought no secret of the truth of things;

Nor Who, nor What, I meant by Self; nor How

Nor Why I came to be; that I was now

Who was not Then awoke no questionings.

2.

A tall slim flower, unconscious of its needs

Or Nature; taking Sunlight, Air & Rain

And Earth for granted; neither fearing pain

Nor craving pleasure, seeking not to read

The Riddle of the Future. All my creed

Was formless faith in life; the silent sane

Instinct to trust, without the wish to explain,

Facts as I found them, felt them, & agreed.

I bent my blossom blithely to the breeze;

My roots took hold on secret treasures;

My petals vowed their velvet to the sun;

My leaves absorbed the wind & drank the dew;—

I never cared to know, & never knew,

The Word that willed these duties to be done.

3.

Beauty, to Nature wholly natural,

In Nature I beheld; in life there flowed

Its Heart’s Blood, Love, whose energy bestowed

On Thought a tide of trembling sensual

And Magick-music; eager to the call

I sprang: my spirit leapt from its abode

Of silence, song spontaneous overflowed

Echoing that joy with laughter lyrical.

Intense sang my Soul out to the stars

Meaningless measures coursing in their cars

Of rapture through the circus of the night

Attuned to art by instinct to express

Truth not yet crystallized in consciousness

And deluge me with, & drown me in delight.

 

 

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