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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Saturday, 20 October 1923
DO WHAT THOU WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW
An: XIX: Sol in 26 1/2 degrees Libra : Luna Conjunction Herschel, 11.7 p.m. (.0.7 p.m. Greenwich Time) die Saturn i.
1923, October. 20. Saturday. On considering the Great Magical Retirement of which this book contains the Record—the days from Sol in 16 degrees Libra when I and Alostrael [Leah Hirsig] left Tunis City being preliminary preparation—I bethought me that, the Moon occulting Uranus at 11.7 p.m. tonight, 4.18 a.m. (on November 17) with Sol in 21 deg[rees] Sagittarius, I should ceremonially put myself at the disposition of the Secret Chiefs at those exact hours. My original idea was to write the Comment on Liber AL, one chapter to each hour; but on considering the Oath of the Retirement, this appeared presumptuous.
(I refer here to my proposed Oath, to that actually sworn on the Eighth Anniversary of my Official Advancement to the Grade of Magus)
This afternoon I asked of the Yi King a Message for my Work tonight, and obtained the Hexagram:— Sol/Sol Li. XXX. whose significance I condense as follows:—
Thwan: There will be free course and success. Be docile like the Cow: i.e., await the Word without Effort or Desire. Line 1. My steps are confused: let me tread reverently. 2. Robe and sit down ceremonially. 3. My groans are like those of an old man of 80, whereas I should be playing upon my instrument of earthenware and singing to it. 4. The word of Aiwass should suddenly come to me. 5. I weep and groan; but success will come. 6. I conquer the Demon Kings: the Work is achieved, and I make no error.
My present state of utter Magical helplessness and despair could not be better described: and I am much encouraged by the Omen of the Hexagram.
In order to obtain the Magical Energy required, I forced myself with great effort, pain, and distaste, to perform, at 9.13., Opus III as recorded in my previous Diary. Result: Marked success, appearing gradually. My suffering was overwhelmed by intense joy when (during the course of the Operation) I realised that I was about to receive in my Vehicle the Quintessence of a Star, and that I might be found worthy to bear It a man-child to the Glory of the Most High!
It is now 9.30 p.m. I am strangely calm, happy, and ready at any moment to become eagerly active in some Work. My Magical Apparatus will be this:
Robe: The Red Abbai of Cairo, clasped by the Eleven-pointed star of the Cairo Working. (Q[uer]y: "a single robe" I prefer the Scarlet Abbai of the Cairo Working.) "a rich headdress" : my Golden VRIHL Lamen. The Rings of TO MEGA THERION (Greek) 666. The Wand—a Pen (with nib inside it as symbols of Phallos (Greek). A Virgin Book. The MS of Liber AL. The Magical Bell. "Wine and strange drugs" to worship Hadit—preliminary, and if needed during the Ceremony, at hand. Two candles and an oil lamp if necessary. An "occasional table" in the middle of the room. No:6, Hotel du Djerid, Nefta, when taking the Oath of the G[reat] M[agical] R[etirement], and a chair. A Watch to mark the end of the Hour of Awaiting
[an horary figure follows, with the remarks, above it and below it, as follows]
THE ASPECT OF THE HEAVENS AT THE OCCULTATION OF HERSHEL BY SOL.
An: XIX, Sol in 26 1/2 degrees Libra, at Nefta . . . . . (chart)
Saturn P Herschel Neptune Square Jupiter Sextile Saturn: Luna Herschel 'Lucky' Draconis (i.e. cup-like) above horizon.
Neptune rising. Mars Mercury Saturn Sol Venus Jupiter within 50 degrees in III and IV.
10.5 p.m. I wish to emphasise the fact that it seems to me theoretically impossible that anything whatever should come of all this, if only because of these elaborate preparations. I also wish to note that despite the most signal tokens—recent as well as of old time—of the active agency of the Secret Chiefs, I have become constantly more fixed in Stubborn Disbelief in them, and Magick, and everything else worth while. I am more sceptical, helpless, wretched and desperate than I have ever been in my whole life! And yet there is Something irrational and irritating that tells me otherwise. Yet I hate to believe in It or in my Self, just as I hated to yield my body to the lust of Mohammed Ben Brahim an hour ago!
10.55 p.m. I have been meditating—like the Priests of Baal in the legend! And I declare solemnly that at my utmost best I am absolutely helpless and incapable of writing a single Word of the Comment—or anything else worth while—as hopelessly as I was in Cairo to write the Book of the Law: if anything, more so: for I feel myself inhibited by the past. If therefore anything should come at all of this Working tonight, it will be either the true Word of Aiwass, or the most obviously artificial mechanical drivel. I foresee one danger, and warn Alostrael at once: I may write something, and I feel so convinced of its abject worthlessness that I am seized with a furious impulse to destroy it. She should prevent this, saying: it can easlity be destroyed later; at least Frater O.P.V. [Norman Mudd] should have the chance to judge it.
11.0 P.M. I shall now wash and robe myself ceremonially, and take my seat at 11.7 p.m.
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