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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Monday, 29 October 1923
2 a.m. Bab and I woke from bad dreams, within a few minutes of each other. The Jinns around Nefta are distinctly hot stuff. Their nefarious designs find (as I deem) an efficient accomplice in Kif—of which I smoked three or four pipes before going to sleep.
Yesterday I did some careful analysis of Op[us][1] II. My difficulty is with the imagination. I find I can no longer fool myself about the Hole or the Hit: so (not unlike Blondin in the song) I can't make it stand, and when I can I can't find the hole, etc. and I can't get the Orgasm through mental inability to "let her rip". There's nothing amiss physically: I get my regular erections all the time, automatically; but they seem unaccompanied with Lust beyond the merest trace—a sort of association—memory. "Post hoc propter hoc"!!—or very nearly so!
2.22 p.m. Blowing great guns all day. I have always found something hideous and unnatural in a storm of wind during bright sunshine.
10.20 p.m. Une noce!!! au Cafe Biglasem(?). Alostrael [Leah Hirsig], tired, takes 11 m. Laud[anum]: with pure will to worship Hadit. I made no suggestion. She saw at once houses and street (Via—geomantic sign for as well, copyist) in crescent whiteness, etc. I looked up Ephemeris for suitable direction of Vision and found Moon rising in 1 degree Pisces as if the Vision had been directly determined by the planetary and Zodiacal fact. I tell her to repeat Gayatri while write up this: now 10.32, I say "Shoot!"
All white. Horseman—all angles, not curves. Jewelled armour, white horse: suggests Egypt. She asked name and he vanished. Then came two turtles (?)—Beetles, drawing a boat. Also Qliphotic black beetle. Many blossoms, bell-shaped glistening white in particular. (? knight of Cups: see later for peacock).
10.44 p.m.
I invoke Moon. She is in open place: all white. In foreground a whorl of white air.
666: condense this into a form. A half-globe or half (one-third) Moon.
I invoke: turns to Fountain—Lyre—Woman felt but not seen (behind Lyre). (Fountain 2 of Cups) (Venus in Pisces)
Cause her to appear: Too brilliant to see face: wings: long tapering drapery. She is very beautiful; but goat's and other animals' heads interfere. (? Knave of Cups: turtle, swan, mantle of swansdown, gossamer).
(Much hard invoking to get even this.) Her Name? Opens a claw (bird's)—not a hand—and drops a white ball. Has more than 5 claws—9 claws. Ball is of crystal. Word (name) implied by this gesture:—NILJA. N heard as Nun; the rest seen as English capital letters; but i dotted, therefore small. N(un)iLJA (If J = 2 = 98).
No: corresponding: 98. 98: ChTL (Hebrew) See D (my copy). Queen of Cups (20 degrees
Gemini—20 degrees: Pisces). Ibis with opened wings. 98: TzCH
(Hebrew) White ChM (Hebrew) Image (of P & K) hidden. ZNNZ
(Hebrew) Temporary dwelling (chapel). HVA ALHIM IAO ALIM.
The J is perhaps Ch (as in Arabic
93. Answer: a whirl of sparks and flame went off like a big gun.
Message? Numerous signs and letters appear: unintelligible to seer.
11.11 I want to hear, not see (very emphatic!) "But there is that which remains" comes into her mind.
Point of quotation? N is like a ray of light now: Bab follows her down Valley to Chapel. Very beautiful and elaborate. Peacock worshipped there.
Name? Pera (heard)—Pira: this ends in Aleph. Man in white on pedestal object of Bab's visit.
93: He kills Pira with
Name? FAB (Greek)
Number, Grade, etc.?
Message? Takes her hand and
shows her
More? Shows
PhIRA (Hebrew) = 291 Torrents of water. (he) treasured. Arets, prines: adhesion, etc. LA angel Aquarius. = 3 x 97 Shine: will project.
P.S. Bab suggests APIRS =
292 = 4 x 73 a lunar number and = APRVH a young bird. Deut:
XXII, 6.
Isis mourning: 7 = 4 (4 = water)
or 8 = 3. FAB:
Ktc (20 degrees Aquarius — Pisces) Peacock — cup — crab (beetle) rides white horse.
11.47 p.m. Going over Vision with Alostrael. Rain begins to pour in torrents. Fine! Very interesting as numerous Water symbols appeared in the Vision. 1240 piromis = Kalos kagathos (Greek) b(Egyptian: H[a]d[i]t).
1—refers to a magical sexual operation.
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or j =
= Nun (?Gimel) = 3. j=s in Arabic. Perhaps i is a vowel and
doesn't count. Name is thus N(i)LZA. Hebrew N, English i,
Latin L, Arabic Z, Greek A. NILZA = 50 plus 10 plus 30 plus
7 plus 1 = 98.
(Dorje, evidently). Whole place in uproar: he is quiet.
x(wiggles) no
o goes, X stays. 9. X is his Grade.
but spherical.
Dorje
AB = 503 =
GRSH The Cup. (I had all along the impression that the
Chapel was of the Sangraal. Bab spoke of Lohengrin in
explanation of the Boat drawn by turtles.) The Key to this
Vision is the Peacock. (P.S. Additional details of Chapel.
The Altar was to the right and far back. It was all in a
blue light. To the left was a screen before which the
peacock stood—evidently on his way to the Altar. Peacosk,
bird of Juno: may symbolize foolish pride and discordant
voice. aspira (Greek) = 612 = Zeus 'Hdos (Greek). Hebrew: