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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Saturday, 8 March 1924
die Saturn.
7.20 a.m. Woke at 5.45 horribly depressed. Pulled myself together, but could not free my thought-stuff till I took aq[uarius] [Heroin]. I can stop, no doubt; but I need to have the nourishment of hope. Perhaps, too, other better conditions than I have.
Pawned everything to send O.P.V. [Norman Mudd] to London. Should (and would) have been done 6 weeks ago but for my illness etc. "Damn them who pity!" etc. Postulating a healthy society, pity is mere insult and interference. AL does not condemn true sympathy (based on scientific imagination) on the contrary "Love one another with burning hearts". Cf "Hadit burning in thine heart—" This fire gives light and heat: it is the Magical Fire of Consecration.
Other suggestions. "Drag down their souls to awful torment" i.e. twist them until straight "Spit upon them" the purifying Water. "Trample them" to express the juice that we may have wine.
[On the back of this page is the following:]
No. 3. I am haunted by Nietzsche. Yes, the herd is noble enough: but what is the alternative? To be the big blond beast—the beast of prey! No:
"I find this black mark impinge [?] the man That he believes in just the vile of life".
His image is false: we are not a mere menagerie of assorted brutes.
"Like a mighty army Moves the Church of God"
should be our vision of the Race. Then—even the stupidest private is a hero. The leaders are hidden and lonely but not in ambush: they are the Secret Staff, the true philosophers, the Hermits "who give only of their Light unto Men". Lying here sick and starving, let me find Light, and shed it for their sake!
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