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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Friday, 14 March 1924
die Venus.
12.10 P.M. Horribly tired and depressed all the morning, since waking at 5.30. The special kind of solitude I am enduring (Perdurabo) is atrocious. Yet—when I think how very much better off I am than—well, mist people—oh hell! I don't know what to think. It is my sensitiveness which has got exaggerated to the point of neuras thenia. Also, as for the future, I have no hope at all but in the Gods. (Austin Harrison wrote me a nasty letter—really nasty—it has left a filthy taste in my mouth. And—ghastly that it should be so!—I am in no state to throw off such muck as this.)
7.50 P.M. Awoke, saying, apropos of nothing, but with a slight twinge of arthritis in the left knee: "Please God, many years of usefulness".
I had vigorously invoked Aiwass in the afternoon (on return from a little walk in the sunshine) I imagine the above is the response. It is certainly curious—as when God said to Satan about Job "Touch not the life" that all my plagues refrain (at present) from direct menace to my length of (working) days. I think I understand my lesson a little.
"Who shall contend with his lords, Or cross them or do them wrong? Who shall smite them as with swords? For the hands of their kingdom are strong".
I must wait in utter passivity for "the leading and the light". They will not fail!
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