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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Friday, 4 April 1924
die Venus. 4th.
12.0 Hail unto Kheph Ra!
1.45 Woke with a slight cough. But—did I sleep? I have felt radically different in health since last night's meditation and decision. I have a future, once more! I feel that the essence of my magical health is to act rightly toward all questions. I see now how 'lust of result' messes things up. I must not stay contented with that decision, and hope it will produce good effects. I must go straight on, once I have issued my commands about it, and put all other matters straight, E.g. aq. [Heroin] and bronchitis form a vicious circle. Stop the latter: the former will disappear.
2.0 Light out. .10 Woke after long most peaceful sleep. Best I've had since—Lord knows when!
2.30 Despite long rest, dozed a good deal in A.M., waking light-headed. Found myself able to resist the impulse to straighten out with aq. I know the symptoms now. All that is required is a little ordinary care for 3 or 4 days at the most, treating the accidents empirically. But the essential is to change the circumstances, so as to begin to build up a new life altogether. One factor of such life will be regular work. I think of Wilkie Collins writing "The Moonstone" when he had rheumatic gout, one of the most painful diseases on the market. It would do wonders for me to have a contract for a new novel. I feel inclined to ask the Yi about practical policy in this line, having got the S.E. [Sunday Express] business off my mind, once and for all.
2.45 With regard to the fact that people "never know what I may do next" the explanation is simple. It is not that I am untrustworthy, variable etc., etc. It is that people simply do not know who and what I am, so fill their mental vacua with some absurd image, and are surprised accordingly "How can a lark act thus!—and thus!!—and thus!!!" they scream in terror, at the most normal actions of a very commonplace lion. Even when what I do is precisely what they themselves would do, it baffles them and drives them mad. For it is sheer insolence and blasphemy on my part not to act monstrously. They can excuse crazy and outrageous actions; but whatever their "fabulous animal" can do, one thing is beyond him: to behave as they do themselves. Again and again I have observed the wild surprise when I disappoint them in this way. For instance, the men on the Baltoro when they found out that I had been telling the simple truth all the time, and did not want to take them to Yarkland. My purpose was beyond the scope of their imagination of what any possible man could possibly want.
This quality of being a "dark horse" is evidently natural to every truly great man. It is this that makes him magnificent, terrible, and all the other big adjectives. And which adjective is adopted by public opinion depends principally upon circumstances disconnected with the real greatness of the man.
3.06. I ask the Yi: Having settled my policy as to my 'vindication', on what lines should I set to work to nourish the new-born Child? (This might be absolute rest. Also, by the Child I mean the Great Work of my True Will, and the people who have cast their lot in with me.)
3.12 I simplify the Question thus: How should I employ my time? [I Ching Hexagram] P/Luna Sung VI "Contention" (Note. Sung appeared in May last year, in Tunis or at La Marsa, in answer to a similar Q.)
666. The Creative Impulse attacking the restricted Universe. True Will imposing itself on environment (Cf. last night: P/Water). Let Inspiration give light to the Sensorium and life to the dead world of circumstance. Thwan. Expect opposition, despite one's sincerity. Act cautiously. Do not try to force the situation. Seek help from people of position—friends, editors, publishers, etc. But do not strike out in any big new enterprise, alien to my normal modes of action.
Line 1. Pay no heed to criticism. Expect further attacks, but Fortune follows. Line 2. I am not strong enough in health to take an active part in the work of the world, at present. Retire as soon as possible to a remote place in the country, the smaller the better. Line 3. Expect financial and moral support from the accustomed channels. Live within those means. The present peril will pass. Accept, if offered, anonymous work, without thoughts of personal fame. Line 4. Avoid controversial work. The study of "Heaven's ordinances" is the right line to take. (E.g. write a spiritual book without treading on everybody's toes). Line 5. Such a course will nevertheless lead to a further contention. But these precautions will ensure victory.
Line 6. Remember that honour
and disgrace alternate in life, irrespective of desert [?].
These things do not matter. There comes into my mind to
write a "popular" explanation of
Liber Legis, in the form of a non-contentious and
"noble" book written with the idea of bringing Heaven
3.56 Give General Symbol for above Interpretation, indicating details. [I Ching Hexagram] Sol/Fire Shih Ho XXI "Union by Gnawing" (Compare my voyage to England May '22 e.v.) All goes marvellous well, but a smash comes later after all the work is satisfactorily concluded. I think this means that this is the wrong line. Yet I cannot be sure, for it was symbol Ninette'd [Ninette Shumway] symbol; and in this case the smash led to perfection of her Nature. Also the S.E. [Sunday Express] attacks should get lead to perfect establishment of my Work. I shall invoke Aiwass more earnestly, and ask for a definite message to throw light on these two, in the same words almost: "How willest Thou that I employ my time?" [I Ching Hexagram] Earth/Air Ku XVIII "Service"
Thwan: Show the way of true service.
[Here the handwriting becomes that of Leah Hirsig]
or rather, find it. Seek the Will of Aiwass persistently. Seek to be entrusted with great responsibility. Weigh most carefully every suggestion before acting on it in the light of the past and with an eye to the probable results, the steps made necessary by the decision itself.
Line 1. There are two kinds of trouble and service; one caused by my Father, Heaven, one by my Mother, Earth, that is by my spiritual and earthly Karma respectively. Justify my spiritual position (Apoligia pro Vita Sua). [Line] 2. Accept the doom of incarnation. Avoid obstinacy in worldly matters. [Line] 3. Show how one's spiritual attitude, however justifiable, may lead to regrettable events and that these do not imply error. [Line] 4. Accept the Karma of spiritual inheritance. Do not seek to evade the responsibility of every man for his own destiny. He is sole cause of all that is and his only business is to attend to his own affairs in a spirit of lofty kingship.
The above is comprehensible, generally speaking, but does not seem a strikingly fit answer to the question. I .'. call upon the S.W. [Scarlet Woman] to interpret the Will of Aiwass.
6.20 Alostrael [Leah Hirsig] has been talking to me about Liber 913. I have gone through it with her explaining every phrase. Her trouble has been that people with whom she talks acquiesce in the thesis of AL "Thou hast no right but to do thy will"—They then ask her "How do I find out what my True Will is?" and her answers are unsatisfactory, being either vague or misleading, or both, or worse. She asked me to discuss at length with illustrations this subject. In the course of so-doing it struck me suddenly that Hexagram XLVIII might very well refer to this subject. I could hardly employ my time better than by composing a popular essay on this subject. (The Book might be called "Who Art Thou?) Earth of Air may be taken to mean the crystallization in action of the tendencies of the mind. Ku in detail. The Thwan—crossing the great stream might mean an attempt of this kind; weighing the events of 3 days before and after the turning point seems like a direct reference to Liber 913. The trouble caused by the father and mother may be summarized as Karma. The first four lines are homogenous. They deal with the details of this Karma, how by troublesome services one may analyze and adjust oneself to one's position. The fifth line springs it upon one without warning that the result of such services is that one obtains praise as using the fit instrument for the work. Line 5 is the seat of the ruler, and corresponds with Line 2, the King's Minister, who undertakes the Work of clearing the path of his Master. This fitness attained by a man's faculties to his main purpose given the limitations of his Karma aforesaid. Line 6 comes as a complete surprise. It shows us "One who does not serve either King or feudal lord, but in a lofty spirit prefers to attend to his own affairs." This hexagram has always puzzled me. It is suddenly clear. By dealing with Karma in the way indicated one first arrives at the adjustment of one's powers to one's aims and then leads to an apparently sudden and complete emancipation from these troublesome services. The man becomes a sovereign ruler (cognizant of) and (capable of) his True Will and entirely free to devote himself to its execution. The above has impressed itself upon me spiritually as the evidently right interpretation of Ku. (Cf. The Egyptian Khu). To confirm this I will ask Aiwass for a general symbol for my devoting myself forthwith to writing a book on these lines.
[I Ching Hexagram] K of Sol. No. XXXVI Ming I. Intelligence Wounded. The symbol shows a good and intelligent minister going forward in the service of his country in spite of the weakness and unsympathetic disposition of his sovereign. It has come from his personal attainment and leads to the establishment of right regulations. (XXXV - XXXVII). K of Sol means the conception of the solar man. Thwan: Realize that it is not an easy book to write.
Line 1. The idea is lofty and my powers weak. I must not mind discomforts and derision. [Line] 2. I am wounded but saved by a strong animal (?Help of a publisher) [Line] 3. The book will be extremely useful and successful. It is just what is wanted to throw light on the True light of Thelema. I must be careful not to try to do too much. The book must be popularly written without over-minuteness in technicalities. [Line] 4. The Book will help me to get into a better situation where I am less hampered and misunderstood. It helps me to realize my ideas. [Line] 5. Remember to be as impersonal as possible. Maintain the Law without forcing it on people as a dogma. [Line] 6. This book, modest as its aim is, will change public opinion drastically. It will put an end to the opposition to my principles.
Additional. Lines 1 and 2 adjure me to make the writing of this book my most important business, whatever the difficulties of writing it may be, I should keep steadily at it and not be hindered by obstacles or lured into giving it up by the attraction of other plans.
[The diary returns to the handwriting of Crowley]
7.50 Ku describes in detail the Book "Who Art Thou?" (Explanatory of Synopsis of Pt. I.)
Exordium: General Lines.
[sidenote: (This synopsis is a word by word paraphrase of the Yi King. The book proposed will follow these lines closely, but be filled out as inspiration and literary judgment dictate.)]
1. Caesar. Advantage of proper dealing with environment.
2. The Rubicon. Advantage in concentrating all one's powers upon one immense aim, one which involves the burning of all one's boats.
The Legions. 3. Importance of taking into full account the incidence of the Past. (Karma, as determining the situation with which one must deal). Also, of calculating the Future as determined by the Great Aim: of asking: "Having attained my supreme object, what situation will have been created thereby?"
Chap. Line 1. Man's position is one of peril, though his ultimate success is certain. His trouble is due (firstly) to his spiritual inheritance; his highest nature causes him to be at loggerheads with his circumstances. His first task is to justify that nature to himself. His ability is shewn by his demonstration that his Spiritual Nature is of the Essence of Righteousness. Line 2. His trouble is due (secondly) to the imperfection of his earthly nature. He will err fatally if he fail to make allowance for this, if he insist upon trying to live the heavenly life pure and simple in a body incapable of sustaining such stress. Line 3. Although the Spiritual Nature of a man is Righteousness, yet because he is man distinct from other men and thus imperfect, he must discover in what respects he "falls short of the Glory of God" even at his highest, and realize the defect of Individuality as such. Having thus recognized his essential error, he ceases to be in error; even as a Child is right in being himself, provided that he does not set himself up against his Father, or imagine that he is his Father in all respects, whereas he is only one of many sons. Line 4. Man must not repine at his spiritual imperfection; he will wee if he strive to become the Whole. He must be content to be a Spark of the Great Light, and enjoy his perfection as a spark. Line 5. By the full realization of his spiritual nature, Man comes to understand the Quintessential Nature of the Universe; and his fitness and Necessity are the theme of a Paean of Praise. The troubles caused by the original conflict (though of love—Incarnation is essentially an act of Love of Heaven toward Earth) between his two natures as man, and by the imperfection of each, have now been removed by his realization of the true state of affairs, and his acquiescence in them, as the source of infinitely varied Love, Beauty, Majesty, and the like splendours. He thus praises Nature, and exults, care-free, in Her Godhead, instead of bewailing the pain and trouble, labour and anxiety, which spring from his failure to perceive and understand correctly, to adjust and act adequately. Line 6. The load has been lifted from his brain; now there suddenly arises the spontaneous joy of Freedom. His had been the overwhelming responsibility of Hamlet: "The world is out of joint: oh cursed spite / That ever I was born to set it right!" Now he is free to pursue his own true Path through Eternity, the sovereign arbiter of his won destiny, neither crushed by its blind weight or pushed out of his proper place by the interference of that of others, which, in the general confusion, had completed his bewilderment and misery.
[side-note in the handwriting of Leah Hirsig]
April 9. 5.40 P.M. Realization that most of the original trouble is due to misinterpretation as the sympathies come our and the correspondencies between those sympathies one begins to see that the E.G. [?] and the B.M. are not in conflict at all. One is the pattern of the other. This not only does away with every source of sorrow but helps us to get rid, if we wish it, of the metaphysical hypothesis previously set up for convenience. It gets rid also of even the apparent duality.
[the diary returns to the handwriting of Crowley]
10.25 Have dictated a proposal to Ralph Shirley about this book aforesaid.
10.35 "I am the visible object of worship" AL III 22 (See yesterday 9.30) This book can rectify my position on this point. I can keep out of it the secret of Nuit and Hadit, or rather propose this Mystery as for "the winners of the ordeal x". This ordeal would then appear as the discovery of the True Will; the "winners" obtain Freedom to execute the works of "Love under will" in all ways, being no longer confined to the groove of their Karma.
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into the hearts of the Common People
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mean the sort of book the Prentice Mulford (I imagine) and
James Allen tried to write. Something like "