|
Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Tuesday, 24 February 1925
Sidi Bou Said, Tunisia. Feb 24.
10.30 P.M. Object. 718's copy of the Holy Books [Volume I, Volume II, Volume III] held by her. Incense, Benzoin. Seer, Astrid [Dorothy Olsen].
Smells like fresh blood. Something vital. Fresh blood. It's very tragic. Terrible things are going to happen. Trying to get out of dark place. I only smell things. It's a terrible war. I wish I could get away from it—it's terrible. I must get out of this—it's terrible. I can't get out. I'm in a black place. I can't go up or down or forward.
(Akadua—718 and 31-666-31 [Leah Hirsig])
(Note. This means that 718, ? Barron [William Barron] and Alostrael or Leah Hirsig rectified the invocation to Ra Hoor Khuit from the Stele of Revealing which begins with the words Akadua. T)
Like a desert—sinking into sand. There's a river, nearly dry—like river at Biskra. There is a little water. I know this place—yes, I know it.
Sky is so clear—beautiful daylight. Everything is bright. No people. So many palm trees all along river. It is so bright—just dazzling.
Where can I go? It seems as tho' I had got to go on. I need nobody—the sun is so beautiful—awfully hot-scorching. Just a little water but just enough so that one wouldn't have to be thirsty. It's so hot.
Looks like I'm coming into it may be a mirage. I never saw one. Coming into something white like Sidi but on same level. Is it white? I think it's white.
Question. "What has this to do with book in (your) hand?"
Answer. "Nothing. Looks like desert. I must be doing it all wrong".
A huge negro is coming towards me. Haven't got near him. I'm afraid. He looks like mahogany—blacker—like ebony. He's walking. He has nothing on.
"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law". (Note. This means that Astrid challenged the negro with these words. T)
Q[uestion]. His name? A[nswer]. Not near enough. He doesn't hear me. He's acting silly, kicks up sand with his feet. He has splayed feet—sprouts up sand with his toes and grins.
Q. His name? A. He's very impudent. He says "Find out for yourself, that's for you to find out".
Q. Why does he appear? A. Find out. He's gone. I have to move on.
Funny country. Desert. Tragedy in this place. So old. Nothing but sand—flat sand. Putty colour—sun—so tired, can't get along. Nothing. Dead, dead—something about it—must have been something. Makes me very sad. No clouds in sky. Nothing, nothing—you have to go on. Going so fast, awfully tired. At end—same thing. The same river—gone past trees. Nothing, nothing, terrific heat—so warm. Must go to somewhere.
Q. Purpose? A. Must be something beyond. Getting into darkness now. Hot, Everything dried up, river dried up. Dark place—a little better—dew falling.
A sudden change. Feet suddenly got cold like Barron's got hot. It is sand. No moon. Stars haven't risen. All alone—mustn't be alone. Something's going to happen.
10.55 This is interesting. A dwarf negro—says "You must go before the storm breaks because you must not be in it". He's gone. Can't find my way. There is a way but I can't find it. Feels very sad too. Have to go on. Lovely soft night sky—like violets. No stars but so clear. Not so late as dawn. Coming out of dark place.
Q. Getting to where? A. Sky bright but dark ahead. Feel near something. A village—a city. Feel I'm near people. The smell is the smell of people—a horrid smell—not a sweet smell as of a forest—very strong. Smells of a thousand million things—almost overpowering.
The people can't be like Americans—probably Oriental. Coming nearer and nearer to something. I don't like to go to this place—don't like the smell—of the flesh—material—horrid. I don't know how to describe it. A necessary evil.
Do you suppose it's a diseased place—a place of pestilence. Smells—nearer—horrible odour. It ought to be submerged or buried. Why do you make me smell such smells? Where am I? Can't get nearer—perfectly horrible. Can't seem to get through it. Somebody help me to get through it. It's dead—worse than a morgue. All dead. Never saw such a desolate place. I want to come back. Dreadful desolation—everyone is gone away. Why? Something has to be done.
Note (718 says (authoritatively) tell me at once what must be done.)
A. It has to be turned upside down. (Note by T. 718 = Barron) It must be hell. Can't breathe. Worse than glaring place in desert. Nothing happening. Deadly monotony killing it. Needs an earthquake, a sandstorm—deadly. Almost no atmosphere. Can't see.
Q. A definite message? A. I must keep on.
In blackness—all alone. (Akadua as before) Can't see, but heard (in a man's voice) "Success is the keynote of all of it." Just hear singing in my ears. Humming—like hearing baby in Biskra—going away. It's all right though. Feet cold. Nothing to see in this place—very bad place. I'm all right. 11.15 P.M.
|