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Leah Hirsig Diary Entry Saturday, 5 April 1924
1.45 P.M. I started writing Aimée [Aimée Gouraud] but stopped as I found myself saturating the letter with the feeling of self-pity that I have just discovered in myself. Time to call a halt! Of course I need some food. 1 brioche for breakfast and a croissant and cheese for lunch. Yesterday not much more and the day before Choucroute at noon.
Beside Bourcier roared at me something about the bill to be presented to-day and a definite date of settlement demanded. Who cares? We have a book to write. But for a moment I had to struggle with the tears that sprang to my eyes. I cannot feel desperate even now with on 25 centimes in my purse and O.P.V.'s [Norman Mudd] letter before me saying "I cannot send you anything in the immediate future", and my own tummy pretty empty.
Oh what a bad joke life is! But I cannot see any hope for it except a complete re-birth, a second flood, as it were, by fire if you like; and that is of course what is going to happen. I predict this. But in the meanwhile we must go on as best one can never losing sight of one's real purpose, one's True Will, and living as it dictates, against all opposition.
Having got that out of my system, I proceed with more important work.
4 P.M. Jaja [Jane Chéron] has just left. She brought me 3 iris noir. They are magnificent. She also left 50 francs which I shall guard jealously. Only when I put it into my purse did I realize how weak I was for actual hunger.
8 P.M.—I'm feeding. But I had to go at it cautiously—and I ordered the most nourishing food at the lowest price. The wine revives me. I shall have the strength to write Aimée no, I'll send her a copy of this part of my diary.
We shall see the dawning day and of course I never doubted it!
I should like to write an article or series of articles on
1. The Cemetery at Montparnasse.
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