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Leah Hirsig Diary Entry Thursday, 25 September 1924
Hotel du Maine, Paris 14.
Sept. 25, 1924 e.v.
5.10 P.M. A harbour at last! I am still too weak to do any real work but I shall gain strength now for my
WILL TO LIVE
is strong in me.
Aimée [Aimée Gouraud] has been here. She is a gem. She does not fail one at a critical moment and that is what counts. She is really a strongly magical character and knows the critical moment for herself to act, only she doesn't know it for others (I mean understand it.)
As soon as I get stronger, I shall write up my experiences of the past two days. Suffice it to say that as soon as I announced that the
Will to live
was strong. I had to accept the
Will to die.
I shall preserve the documents I prepared for future reference (Appended).
The acceptance of death is another stone in the foundation of the New Aeon. (Later—this is vague)
Praise unto Ra-Hoor-Khuit!
Babalon is risen and the children of the New Aeon live and will thrive!
Now to plain common sense. My first business is to get well. I must eat, sleep, and rest. I shall not worry, for the Gods time everything just right.
I must rest a bit.
5.50 P.M. Aimée has just sent in a nice stock of things to eat and smoke.
I have made my first strong link with humanity.
1 litre of milk per day
Milk in morning
Lunch
Dinner
Cigarettes—not more than 10 per day
I think I have now all the Magical Enlightenment I can stand until my body is in better shape. I must get well to do my work in a businesslike way and Beast must get things in order.
8.50 P.M. I am quite beside myself at not hearing from Beast and Dorothy [Dorothy Olsen]. If they acted like rational people I should be quite well by now. This anxiety is not necessary and I don't feel it's worth while dying just because of damn pigheadedness and stupid butting in. If I do not hear by to-morrow I shall do something desperate and to what end? (How stupid after saying the Gods times everything.)
Midnight. I am quite beside myself again. My chest is bad. I do not believe I can live through the thing. Whatever shall I do?
Death as I contemplated it yesterday was wonderful but now—it means just being forced to give up because of an idiot's idiocy. (Oh piffle, I don't mean that at all.)
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