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Leah Hirsig Diary Entry Thursday, 18 December 1924
Dec 18
5 P.M. It's all no use—I seem to be getting worse and yet I have no conviction that I'm really on the mend. Am I deluding myself?
Evening—Cinema.
Wed A.M.—Msbdt. [masturbated]—calling madly on Chaos.
Occasional bouts of Asana
Wed evening—Cafe.
Today St Germain in the fog and hundreds of indecisions. Wrote letter to Marion —Its good & it isn't —I want, I want, I want.
And I'm going to keep on wanting. This A.M.—Asana—15 minutes—"Thou who art I" & Pan Mantra going like mad.
5:08 I light the candle, I burn the incense
5:20-5:35 Asana—Thou who art I & Pan (This after Pentagram, creed, and collects). Great peace, but thought of having cut up blue robe bothered me.
7:45 PM Typed hipta Poems—I must concentrate off the House business for a bit. But nerves, nerves! And its all Magical—but what to do, I don't know. I await 666's word but will I get it and if I do, will I understand? I will sit calmly and smoke a cigarette and drink my coffee.
10:50 I did it—I danced alone in my cafe—I danced with a lesbian and I kissed the waiter—that's that! We'll see how it turns out. But I'm out to get hard cash & I'll get for my Big Lion Baby Snake—There are no ifs—I'll bloody well get it.
12:00—To Bed—Typed 2 oaths and had some soup. Now we'll Invoke, invoke! and then to sleep
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