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Leah Hirsig Diary Entry Saturday, 20 December 1924
Dec 20
Alter last entry last night I suddenly got up and had a hot wash. I said, "I am going to meet my Lord Chaos whose bride I am." I ate a small bit of bread and invoked Chaos—my head burnt as tho I were being branded by hot irons. I tried to repeat my 8º=3o oath, but got no further than "a member of the body of God"—Then I simply said I devote myself to the accomplishment of the G[reat] W[ork] and to establish the Law of Thelema.
It was midnight when I slept and I never woke till 10 this morning. Dreams—dreams—Astrid [Dorothy Olsen] & Beast worried—Beast very obscure—going somewhere but didn't seem to know. I so uncertain, quite beyond myself. Two other men in the party.
My general impression is that I am not ready to take the Oath properly yet. Am I trying to get out of it? I don't know.
Got my coat and saw Suzanne—Heaven only knows what this will lead to—but I did it. Anyway, the cook's a beauty and the bed will be too.
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